... That they are a father, after not seeing her for 14 months? Well, it happened to me last week. Just wondering if anyone has any advice!

Um..

Apart from preparing to be the coolest dad in the universe and raising him on roots n love n organic food

sorry, uncharted waters for me

as shitty as it may sound, are you sure it is yours?

yup, as sure as I can be, but the dna test will gimme it in black and white I guess. Its on the way. You know how much those cost? WHooa, lots.

He's actually quite cool, I've met him once. He rubbed his nose on me and burped a lot.

I don't know how to tell my family, or friends really, so you guys are the first to know :-)

Whoa....well, the best of luck to you.

Shit, I had a close scare once- thank God that didn't happen. I can barely take out the trash these days.

Did she tell you why she didnt let you know earlier? Truly shitty behaviour on her behalf.
Good luck with it
(if its yours)

I love me some babies, have fun

She said she didnt know how to tell me, and she also said she didn't know she was expecting until she was 7 months.. Strange huh.. :-)

This happened to my brother once, except the kid was 2. Not to be a jerk, but just make sure it's your kid. Congrats though.

I wanted to be a skateboarder, but I grew up on a gravel road.
- Josh Ritter

"She said she didnt know how to tell me, and she also said she didn't know she was expecting until she was 7 months.. Strange huh.. :-)"...............


And that is the reason why you are getting a DNA test.

congratulations

"Can I borrow a feeling?
Could you lend me a jar of love?
Hurtin' hearts needs some healing',
Take my hand with your glove of love"

my advice - be the best dad possible. even if you don't like the mom, don't let it show in front of the kid. treat it as a blessing, because now you have someone in your life that will always be a part of you.

this is FUCKED up.

for her to tell you now, 14 months later, is fucking evil. a girl should either tell you when she's pregnant or take it to the grave.

i guarantee this little skank is looking for money. do yourself a favor - get a paternity test and a lawyer ASAP.

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

[deleted]

I'm inclined to agree with Rob - watch out!
"I didn't know how to tell you" works ok for breaking that nice vase she liked or her putting your fave shirt in with her pink underwear - but pregnant with and given birth to your child?!?!

Fuck she should have worked a bit harder in the 14months she had to work out a way to break that!
Love Megan :)

CB's right. And you mean to tell me she didn't know she was pregnant until it was 7 months along? Is she retarded????

And I'm guessing that she figured out when to tell you....when she needed money. If she hasn't asked yet..she will.

[deleted]

I'd get a DNA test. I wouldn't go by her word. And he is getting one..so we'll see.

>>>> did you get dumped or something CB?

cannonball doesn't get dumped

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

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I waited until I was married...and then I had my children. And I seemed to have noticed I was pregnant...or at least thought I was (enough to take a test) after I missed say..at least 3 periods. Just being polite on the 3.

if she "freaked out" and couldn't tell him she was pregnant, well then fine, that's the decision she made. but it's WRONG for her to come knocking on his door FOURTEEN months later and dump this shit on him. that's fucked up.

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

If she decided to have the baby, the father had a right to know immediately. I totally agree with CB. That's fucked up.

also, it's impossible to go SEVEN months without having any idea whatsoever you're pregnant. if she said that then that's proof she's a fucking liar.

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

[deleted]

My cousin didnt know she was pregnant till she was over 5 months, so its not unheard of I guess. She was a very tiny girl and you just couldnt tell.

[deleted]

It's not unheard of, but it's rare.

[deleted]

>>>> telling someone they have a baby is "dumping shit on them"? would it be better that she never said a word and he found out from the kid in 20 years?

yes, hiding it from the father for 14 months then telling him a year AFTER the baby is already here is considered "dumping shit" on him.

and no, having his estranged bastard kid track him down when he's twenty years old would NOT be worse than doing this to our friend right now in this stage of the baby's life.

but i'm still holding the belief that there's only a 50/50 chance this is his kid to begin with. the whole thing sounds fishy.

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

I'm not angry at all, poops. And you're right..I don't know the whole story. And it's not my problem, anyway. But it just sounds a bit fucked up from what he said. And I only wish him the best..I don't even know him.

>>>> It's not unheard of, but it's rare.

i'm sure in the history of the world there's been a couple girls with severe learning disabilities and the IQ of this wooden table in front of me who have gone 7 months without the slightest suspicion that they were pregnant... but is this a reasonable story in this case, for a seemingly well-adjusted gal? fuck no. she knew. she's lying.

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[deleted]

I wish I were 1/2 as fantastic as Cannonball.

i dunno... i am pretty fantastic

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

that you are. ;)

[deleted]

Vasectomy, anyone?

you're right, none of us knows the real story.

re-read my posts though, i never called the girl a "tramp" so don't put words in my mouth. all i'm saying is that the story sounds fishy.

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

Nobody said she was a tramp.

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[deleted]

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So he should just take her word that it's his child? Not have a test? Nobody is calling her a slut... he should just make sure she's telling the truth. And if so, he said he would be there for the baby.

[deleted]

The statistics of men raising children that are not their own are rather horrifying. If I was a dude I would most def get a paternity test done. No slight on her, just gotta cover ones own arse first.

[deleted]

"she's probably retarded"

And for me, ignoring context is so difficult on message boards. I'm not taking sides; I love you Poops. I'm just saying is all...
_______________________
Pedal steel guitarist Jon Graboff added, "What can I say? I'm not the monitor guy. Ryan's the boss."

[deleted]

Ha! Valid! Lucky for me I didnt get dealt no dead beat dad, yo!

poops, you're reading this thread from the point of view of the girl, as if she was the one who posted this. however this is not the case. the GUY in this situation is the message board "friend" of ours and he's the one looking for advice here - NOT her. and i'm giving my best advice i can to a guy who had some chick approach him more than a year after he last saw her and she had a baby - not necessarily HIS baby. i still say get a paternity test because something doesn't smell right with her story and as my grandpa always told me, if it smells like shit it probably is shit.

as for the "bastard kid" comment, yes that was insensitive... but insensitive is kind of my thing here. this is the internet. i don't get paid to give hugs to people i don't know nor never will know.

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don't you dare "righto" me you kangaroo-humper.

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"all they want is your soul. As long as you're cool with forking that over, the rest turns gravy..." - mofo

i think regardless of the circumstannces that led up to him being told, and whether or not the girl did the right thing, what's done is done, and now it's time to figure out what to do next.
as everyone has said, obviously get a DND test. and as cannonball rightly stated, a lawyer is also needed. it's really important right from the get-go to establish boundaries, and have a mutual agreement on financial responsibilities and visiting rights. both parents need to agree on how much of a role the father will play in raising the child.
and then, as others have said, once all that's taken care of, all you can do is try to be the best parent you can be, and to not let your feelings for the mother get in the way of loving and caring for your child

"You're out of your tree"
"It wasn't my tree"

I've been eating so much damn Halloween candy the past two weeks I might not notice I was pregnant for a good few months!

Hey Dino, my buddy just had his ex stop by and bring over a 12 year old and then she told him the kid was his!!! They got tested and sure enough the kid was his. Totally sucks cause he missed all the good, cute baby phases and is starting out with teenager!!

__________________________________
-For someone half as smart,you'd be a work of art- E.S.

[deleted]

oh, but i was just thinking ''thank god for poops.''

good luck dino.

[deleted]

You guys!!!!! I PROMISE it's his! I'm sorry I didn't tell him sooner! Okay? Jeez... hasn't anyone ever missed seven periods and gained thirty pounds before and thought it was just stress???

[deleted]

I was just kidding. I feel for the woman and dino. I hope it all works out. He sounds like he will be a great father.

[deleted]

>>>Author: poops 10/30/07 11:38:32 PM are you being sarcastic? sorry... my sarco-meter is fucked today.

no-i was saying i was agreeing with you!
almost point by point.

message boards are so weird.

[deleted]

wow, dino

buckle up for the ride if its your kid, this girl seems very immature which unfortunatly means that here behaviour from now on will also be immmature. your probly gona have problems in areas such as how much you see your kid, the posibility of her ucking off with your kid (lets be honest, if she waits 14 months into a life to tell you its yours shes capable of anything)

but like me dude, you made your bed so you gota lie init!

feel for ya tho.

but let me ask you this, when was was the last time you seen her after you had sex?

"That they are a father, after not seeing her for 14 months? Well, it happened to me last week. Just wondering if anyone has any advice!"

Who needs Hollyoaks?

Also, I agree, this is fucked up.
---------------------------------

_____________________________________




My Music Blog *Updated Oct. 28th*

all the best with it dino...it's not easy.

i'm sad to see so much hatred directed at this girl.

1. it is not as rare as people think to 'not know' until you are almost there. my friend's mom didn't know until she went into labour! (she was a big woman and the baby was small)

2.sorry, but if dino had used protection or insisted she did, this wouldn't even be in discussion.

i won't go on, but i am shocked at the 'burn the witch' mentality i am reading here.


*******

The not knowing bit is not what people are directing their anger at, it's the "after not seeing her for 14 months" bit. Surely she should have told him the moment she found out.
---------------------------------

Protection is only 90whatever per cent isn't it? - Surely if you've had sex a fair few hundred times - there's a chance of an 'accident'

I think that basically the advice here is 'be careful and make sure you look after your interests' before getting caught up in the situation [albeit expressed forcefully] - I don't think anyone is actually directly insulting her - as no one knows anything about her.

Whatever the statistics about how late people know in pregnancy [7 months for her] what was wrong with her phone after that?


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Down at work I'm getting too familiar with the floor
Trading in my talents by the mouthful.

strawbs i agree with your two points.

my only prob is waiting till the kids 14 months to inform the father. which is alarming to say the least. it does nt bother me about the not saying out whilst she was preggers coz she genuinly might not have known.

i dont class my self in the burn the witch catergory (not saying you did tho) but i do have negative things to say about not tellin him until 14 months later. thats unforgivable.

and also i agree, dino made his bed so he gota lie in it, in terms of having a kid but shit that chic has taken the first beautiful months of life away from dino, he;s missed all the good bits!

unforgivable.

suppose im just bitter about hjow much power women have over the whole pregnancy/child/custody/control thing.

Beat you again Winter.
---------------------------------

well, seeing as we don't know the whole situation..no one should judge.

i mean, maybe she was waiting to hear from him again..and then was scared because he never phoned afterwards.

maybe she felt he might think she was lying and trying to trap him??

maybe she just didn't know what the fuck to do and had no one to confide in?

maybe a social worker convinced her to be brave and contact him??

we don't know.

but all those fears i wrote about i know first hand. and had i not had good friends around me,well...


*******

look dino sounds happy & cool with it so why not just be happy for him? he's getting the DNA test done so that will be his definitive answer. it's not too late to be this baby's dad.

rare but not unheard of for women to not know they are pregnant...i have worked in women's health for over 10 years. it can happen, i believe, due to denial or for physical reasons -- small baby that doesn't move much. i knew someone who was on the pill and was pregnant...and didn't know it till delivery! she was very tall, 6 ' and never "showed." this was a long time ago when i was a waitress. i saw her before the baby and after the baby. she may have had a tiny bump at best. believe it or not, i have also seen something called a "phantom" pregnancy where the uterus thinks it is pregnant but has actually miscarried - but continues growing as if it is! at 7 mos. she found out there was nothing in there...terrible. Anyway -

GOOD LUCK DADDY!



"every flower at the florist is dying" - Lies, Lies & more Lies

yah, good luck, Dino!

good luck dino.

babies are awesome. he's more precious than anything. so with all the bs that might come along with his mum and your situation, have fun with the little guy, & being his dad.

hope it all works out for you and the new mum & especially the little one.

xx

good luck!

we've all been sending Dino thoughts and wishes and I think he hasn't been on here since the original post!
__________________________________
-For someone half as smart,you'd be a work of art- E.S.

"I don't know how to tell my family, or friends really, so you guys are the first to know :-)"

I think we are all honored you told us first. And you sound pretty sure it's yours. I am just trying to imagine not seeing someone for 14 months and showing up with an infant. What a total mind fuck that must be? How old is he now? 4 or 5 months? and if it is indeed yours, are you considering having a relationship with the mother?

WOW, thanks everyone for the replies. I though I'd come on here tonight to maybe a reply or two!

The test arrived today, we're doing it on Friday.

She's the one who stopped talking to me back over a year ago, I tried calling for months, but no reply.

She's had one pup already a few years back, so I'm guessing she'd have known the signs of being an expectant mother! But hey, what's done is done eh.

I'm not considering having a relationship with the mother, only a friendship of neccessity I guess, He's about 6 months now I think.

Again, thanks guys. Feels like a weight off my shoulders.

Test day tomorrow :-S

For anyone who remembers this story FOUR years ago, he's now the coolest dude in the whole world, he's 4 1/2, and awesome.

His favourite song is "Hallelujah" off of Demolition :-)

Cheers for all the support back then chaps

Nice! Well done

Test day tomorrow

I gather it came back conclusive then?

Well done man... I hope you get to spend a lot of time with him.

's all,
peas,
Baffy

"And her Baffy’s got arch
And her flipflop's all right"