Profile for Bonochick
|Other Bands I Like
||U2, The Rolling Stones, Depeche Mode, Jesse Malin, Leona Naess, Amy Winehouse, Bright Eyes, Elliott Smith, Idlewild, Brendan Benson, The Music, The Streets, The Cars, The White Stripes, The Raveonettes, The Raconteurs, Huey Lewis and The News, Interpol, Wilco, Modest Mouse, Lucinda Williams, Chelsea Taube, Tegan & Sara, INXS, etc...
||I like strawberries, hotels, the Green Bay Packers, Great Lakes freighters, and Alfred Hitchcock.
Basically, if you want to be my friend, get me a hotel room next to a body of water with freighter traffic and provide strawberries for Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, and me to eat while watching an Alfred Hitchcock Presents marathon.
"Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese."
~~~Quotes From The New Dot-Org~~~
"i'm so sad that i have yet to be mentioned in kat's new dot org quotes. i can't handle the pain. first don leaves and now kat is dissing me. heaven, i need a hug." -Brandy
"it was all downhill once motherfucking was added to the cardinals. the mfc was just too much suckage for the ears to take." -Brandy
"the ryan then and the ryan now are polar opposites. i never wanted to punch the old ryan adams in the face, because for all his bullshit he could back that mouth up. now he's just an embarrassment in my musical collection. and when you consider how much rap music that i listen to, then you know just how embarrassed i really am." -Brandy
"i want to become romantically involved with whole foods' olive bar." -Brandy
"ambient instrumental makes me want to set myself on fire." -Brandy
"it's not my fault you live in ohio, dave. don't take it out on the rest of us." -Brandy
"lots of things are rare in ohio. joy being one of them." -Brandy
"my love for rinda burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. my love for tom is more like a compact bulb. dim...but true. don't test me!" -Brandy
"george spends his free time knitting giant doilies for his guitars." -Brandy
"omgz! that looks like a setlist that even pagethesage could love." -Brandy
"i was going to invite you to use my extra wilco ticket, but now i'm giving it to a hobo. that's right. a hobo." -Brandy
"don't listen to tom. he saw the black eyed peas." -Brandy
"i'm a temp, so it's all good. i'll forget all about these dumb beavers tomorrow and go back to not dealing with customer service. i hate customer service. i was not built to be kind to people." -Brandy
"i have kiwi-strawberry vitamin water. it's endorsed by kelly clarkson, so it has to be good, right? right?" -Brandy
"i've been to that place, gavo. there is nothing gourmet about their pizzas. i think it's called that because the roaches wore bow-ties." -Brandy
"omgz! is copyrighted. you owe me one billion dollars." -Brandy
"omgz! i love you so hard. your whole family is like a swirling gene pool of awesome. for serious. i bet your dna dances in the pale moonlight and bathes in grape frost gatorade." -Brandy
"this is the internet. we're all losers. some of us more than others, but we're still residing in the same zip code." -Brandy
"I still use the 'i'm too young for a relationship' thing and i'm twenty-seven. you've got to let her spread her wings and prepare to fly. you know who told me this? mariah carey. apparently she will turn into a butterfly, and then decide if she wants to come back to you or not. don't make me post the video." -Brandy
"i'm sweeter than candy, you dumb bitch." -Brandy
"tim used quotation marks, a comma and an exclamation point? holy shit." -Brandy
"my mom was power walking yesterday. she had justin timberlake all fired up on the ipod, and i came driving by like, omgz! who is this fool stepping so high and lively? it was my mom." -Brandy
"my mom told me she was emo the other day. she is doing her best to kill the trend." -Brandy
"you are so not scene. you are where trends go to die. go play with your furby." -Brandy (to sean)
"kat, i want to caress you with a bar of caress." -Brandy
"did i mention that he can also draw like whoa? he used to do all my art assignments for school, but he did them so well that they put me in a gifted class. my mom didn't want to tell the school, so i'm classified as gifted for no real reason." -Brandy
"come on. french it up." -Brandy
"omgz! kat activated the doogie function. ahsjhaskjdhashjakjahahahahaha." -Brandy
"i mentioned something about my therapist and stabbing her." -Brandy
"i'm out of money. i will now have to exhange sexual favors for oxen. i hate when life imitates art." -Brandy (playing Oregon Trail)
"i love that kat said turd. <3 she's my most beloved member now." -Brandy
"who needs a job? i was fired from kroger when i was sixteen. they only paid me $4.15 an hour, so i was like, peace out, bitch." -Brandy
"noonan sucks. he's a tiny dancer." -Brandy
"boring? it is so not boring. how can a man who disrobes in a strangers kitchen be boring?" -Brandy
"my mom got my grandma one of those jogging suits for christmas. she didn't notice that it says "hottie" right across the ass. good times." -Brandy
"i don't need any help in the dance moves department. i could totally take kevin federline in a dance off." -Brandy
"i want to work with kat. i used to try to break dance on the plastic mat that allowed my desk chair to roll. i bet kathy would appreciate my moves." -Brandy
"kat, you just got a handheld 'massager' for christmas. you are officially on my side of the fence now. great success." -Brandy
"my dad sewed the pants on all my new kids dolls, so that i could never see them naked." -Brandy
"my nephew asked for a rolling backpack from santa. is it wrong that i laughed at him? in his face? and called him gay? i was like, you're going to school, not the airport." -Brandy
"ryan just told me he won't even buy carrots, because they're his least favorite vegetable. good luck getting any shows now, new yorkers." -Brandy
"gambling and ryan adams? i can bring my grandma." -Brandy
"he doesn't like brandy so she bans him. roflolz." -christie
"i don't see your name in the subject line anyway so your clickery of this thread is wack." -christie
"you're out of the loop because you live in crumpetland." -christie (to badgerwolf)
"ernie is allowed to wear sweatpants." -christie
"your acne scars don't show very well... i guess the glare from your shiny face is to blame..." -christie
"it's settled then. i'm annoying and you're ugly. i'm fine with annoying." -christie
"WOW JASON OMG YOU STAYED ON TOPIC IN A THREAD CONGRATULATIONS. now shut up." -christie
"Bonochick, I've always coveted a quotes spot on your profile." -kanabro
"i've got nothing. i'm not quote worthy! all my years posting at the .org have been in vain." -ferris wheel junkie
"It's like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer trashes it up and they just load everyone up and move them a few miles down the highway." -WSYO
"this is the 3th board now where the community settles. I like that. cyber gypies." -Lies, Lies & more Lies
"You know what, i am gonna blaim ryan adams for everything.
Bonochick dad did, and it worked for him" -Lies, Lies & more Lies
"dont you start bononchick.
you evil woman.
you are a fan for godknows how long, you know perfectly well that ryan would never put on those kind of shoes." -Lies, Lies & more Lies
"I've decided to cut class and go shopping. It's an emergency!" -Musette
"you know what this reminds me of? that scene in 'Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back' when Jay and Silent Bob go around the country sucker punching every person that ever said anything bad about them on the internet." -kb
"I would rather listen to Cardinology on repeat for the rest of my life than ever be responsible for a child." -voice of reason
"The possessed cell phone, good plot for a Steven King horror flick... if you wanted to make it really scary it would start downloading Cardinology ringtones." -voice of reason
"I can paraphrase all of Ryan's old posts...'You're all a bunch of children. I'm high. I like ninjas. My upcoming gig at _______ has been canceled.'" -voice of reason
"I always wanted to be on Elimidate. But now it's cancelled and I'm screwed." -Shudduphunnie
"Doogie gets to stay?!?!?!?!? Don't fuck it up dipshit!" -voice of reason
"Doogie, God is gonna punish you. all that dirty talk. (do you do confession?) kidding. seriously." -stumbling
"(btw, be nice to Doogie or....he once did mention...oh never mind. I don't steal boys usually.)" -stumbling
"well I don't enjoy your posts much either. I've always found your posts and vibe pretty weird and somehow almost skanky. not that anything you SAY is skanky. just you (cyberly) smell skanky." -stumbling (to onelousypetunia)
"well my old bag friend got married....recently...and to a (young) hottie! so anything's possible! no, I'm just kidding. she used to be gooorgeous. but ya know....gettin on like me, now." -stumbling
"you didn't expect me to answer with a simple answer did you?!!!" -stumbling
"man! just went to art gallery or what do you call it. museum?" -stumbling
"I do have a job! bitch." -stumbling
"poverty works to keep your weight down...har har har." -stumbling
"I've had to eat my (metaphorical) hat recently quite a few times!!" -stumbling
"Ryan odd? you gotta be kidding! I never noticed. har har har. people used to call my family 'Van Weirdos' so......" -stumbling
"Ernie is dumb!" -stumbling
"I liked most people on here. It's the internet...I didn't take most of them too seriously. Though Doogie was a true douchebag...I hated him." - AmyG
"I believe in my heart that BC and I are NOT swirlieworthy." -AmyG
"runaway d is Ryan's bizarro Jesse." -AmyG
"Ryan used to remind me of my son. But then my son grew up." -AmyG
"NYC is a great fun place to live....unless you're Keef." -AmyG
"The people who bitch the most are usually the people who do the least to change things." -AmyG
"That's the anniversary of Jerry Garcia's death. You remember him, Ispy. The fat hippie guy." -AmyG
"For ages 9-12. Should be perfect for you, sinner." -AmyG
AmyG: "How are you, Doogie? Haven't seen you here for a while."
YellowShorts: "Doogie: Erm, cause I been banned, AmyG. 'AmyG'...so gangster...that name."
"Doogie: 'WHERE IS CLEVELAND?????' Erm, in Ohio??? I'm sure you can search up on mapquest. Like I told my sister once 'Mapquest that bitch up, motherfooker!!'" -VaingloriousAfternoon
"Doogie: Labeef, STOP HAYE-INN. I thought Dutch women was more tolerant of 'arseholes'." -JonnyLeeFiller
"Oh no, I'm not Doogie. Please don't ban me." -DangerBird
"He'll toss his milkshake at punk kids egging his car while yelling about their amateurism." -J.J. LaBeef (about tim crimson)
"And no, today is not 'give a homeless bum a balloon day' it's the start of Random Acts of Kindness Week!" -J.J. LaBeef
"You have kittens? Real ones? Damn." -J.J. LaBeef
"I told you not to be stupid you moron." -mojoryzin
"The last show I was at some blonde girl was there with her dad and she kept staring at me through the whole show. I think she was mad cuz I had better seats. But she did hook me up with a recording of said show, so I was much less freaked out..." -mojoryzin
"Just because you're using the name again doesn't give you the license to be an asshat." -mojoryzin (to Alt-country)
"That's not just Ann Arbor, Kat... You could drive 100 yards down a road and not find your way back without calling your Dad. Oh no he di'int!!!" -mojoryzin
"This robin egg blue makes me want to scrape my eyes out with my keys." -crazymofo
"I am also drunk. and my username is drunk! sweet." -DrunkPianos
"Gosh, no one's prone to creativity but keef. keef's the only one with asterisks on his keyboard." -DrunkPianos
"bonochick is my dark bride who spits fury from her razor lips" -deus ex machina
"Now that he isn't recording music anymore, Mr. Adams can focus on what he does best: shutting down websites." -happyhead
"I work in a cubicle...and have loved it since I first sat down. Not only does it give me somewhere to go for eight hours out of the day, but also there is free coffee, heat, air conditioning, and internet. Plus interesting people to chat with. And anybody who says this kind of work suffocates creativity is completely wrong. I wrote a 354 page novel in this cubicle. I've read dozens of books in this cubicle. I've listened to countless hours of music in this cubicle. I've done my best thinking right here in this cubicle. No matter how crazy things get in my personal life, I still have eight hours of peace to look forward to each day in this cubicle. Hell, if things ever got real bad I could fucking LIVE in this cubicle. I love this cubicle. And this is for realz." -happyhead
"Neal chooses my hair style and jeans now. My pre-Neal jeans and hair styles were all about ego and stuff." -happyhead
"He is not talking about GF there. He's talking about some innocent who DARED praise Ryan's poem. Lashing out at those who like him, and at those who dislike. Like a cornered blond rat." -happyhead
"Neil Casal is the new Jesse Malin. And Canyons are the new Hats." -happyhead
"Here is something I have always wondered: How does someone like Jesse Malin have any money to afford the type of hat collection he so obviously treasures?" -happyhead
"Runaway D. That is another person I wonder about. how does that fool have money? Recording fake albums for fake record labels can't pay much." -happyhead
"It seems pretty legit. I got some messages from some people I've been stalking asking me who I was." -happyhead (on MySpace trackers)
"I just paged Chris Hanson. You can be expecting a little drop-in from MSNBC later on tonight." -happyhead
"wherever ryan interacts with fans, trouble will occur. he will ultimately turn on them and blame them for his own assholery, like a cat who's had enough petting." -kev
"this is way better than my 'Eat Chocolate Chip Cookies and Drive Around Listening to Enya' diet" -kevbryant
"You call me a chubster, but I am not that fat. I have a well built frame and I am a well built man. Don't be a jealous hater." -vasinger
"are you kidding me? i wouldn't pay 600$ to spend a day at disney world with ryan adams, let alone on a book. what's wrong with people?" -scottorrmusic
"Wating for the apocalypse? Well, you're in luck..." -nicculus
"ok - so I got her to take advantage of our buy 3 get the 4 for free sale (which I made up)" -nicculus
"did u know an average car cupholder fits a tube of cookie dough perfectly? coincidence? me thinks not" -OSAMA BIN HUMMUS
"I need shoes. I need them badly. And by need I mean my other 7,899 pairs are getting lonely." -TakeMeHome
"I am a scientist, but I don't get what you mean." -Emily
"I work with dysfunctional kids and vulnerable older people.
One would have thought I'd pick a website where I got a break from this." -winter_trees
"According to Bonochick's profile, I haven't been funny since the early part of 2007. That's probably true." -winter_trees
"From my desk I can see a woman - this does not prove that I know anything about women. I, of course, do. But that is besides the point." -winter_trees
winter_trees: "gharland - you loser, do you not know who this is?!"
gharland: "I had to Google!! It's Conor fucking Oberst!!! Please indie hipsters - Forgive me for not knowing this. I am not worthy."
"My mum does not do my hair! Look at it! as if." -winter_trees
"What? Cigarettes aren't cool anymore? They're practically illegal here now. They must be cool." -winter_trees
"There's videogaming and there's videogaming - some people play these things for days on end - suddenly you find you have bad hair, Stephen King glasses, a paunch, jogging bottoms and are from Texas." -winter_trees
"They have computers in Ireland? Are they like those clocks you power from a potato?" -winter_trees
"When did it become acceptable to be a nerd? - People, I'm sure used to hide comics behind newspapers or read them in their room secretly. what happened?" -winter_trees
"Basically everyone in this thread is wrong apart from me. That happens a lot." -winter_trees
"wow. i got two non-personalized cards from 'management', a $5 gift certificate to the cafeteria, and a $100 general retail gift certificate that I can't open because it's an Internet link and the configuration of our stupid Internet set-up won't allow me to view the link. Merry Fucking Christmas EDS." -jrodisbefuddled
jrodisbefuddled: "So Jrod's going to India for work next month. Anyone ever been?"
Roy100: "Yes, several million Indians."
Roy100: "Quincy, I don't think Sesame St was an actual real street. Bert and Ernie probably just lived in the suburbs and commuted to the studio each day."
"Ryan, you clearly read the board as a lurker, please learn how to spell, thank you." -Roy100
"Excuse me for molesting your beautiful language." -joost
"just thought someone might know the answer mr. rude. (i think i discovered why you can't get a gfriend btw...)" -MJ (to heile)
"The coolest thing about a Grand Prix is that you can rear-end another Grand Prix and there will be no damage to either vehicle." -Alt-country
"Working with dumb people is free entertainment. Priceless." -Alt-country
"Why does everyone else get supportive pep-talks and I get 'tough love'?" -Alt-country
"assistant high school principal throws a kegger for students. I am more upset at the $5 a cup, what a fucking rip off" -oaklander
"I'm so bored with my job that I was reading the metro the other morning on the tube and actually believed for about 5 minutes that I could become a professional dominatrix" -wonderwoman
"jajajajaja...that was so funny I started laughing in spanish." -decorationday
"Congrats to you Bear. I appreciate your dedication to touring and rocking the house, even though I have no idea who you are or if you were even any good." -decorationday
"this just in... you are all wrong." -Cannonball
"who needs a soundcheck when you're perfect?" -Cannonball
"i was going to put you on notice... and then i was like, 'shit, she already IS on notice.'" -Cannonball
"hey ispy... you got a longer shelf-life than that twinkie bruce willis ate in Die Hard." -Cannonball
"Nothing puts a dent in a relationship like the unfinished home repair....." -Goldie
"Bonochick's Dad and Ryan have had a difficult relationship." -Goldie
"Just curious, Has Cannonball ever bought a gift without our assistance?" -Goldie
"I think my new sig should be 'If it could happen, it happened to Kat'." -Goldie
"I went to this songwriting course once and the instructor was saying how street names make a song feel personal. She recommended just throwing some streets in songs to make people wonder about the story behind it. She played a song she wrong called 'Highway 7 Ain't the Road to Heaven'. It sucked." -nillawafer
"If I could meet a good man with a washer and dryer, I'd marry him immediately" -maddiehope
"men stink but we sure do love the smell." -onelousypetunia
"will he jump out of the internet and punch her face?" -onelousypetunia
"What self-respecting pothead listens to Billy Joel?" -dudeman
"If you can't fart in front of the ones you love than what's the point? Farts are meant to be a shared experience - hence the noise created as they come out of your butt..." -dudeman
"omg I never once have waxed nostalgic and when people do so, I mock them mercilessly, even if it's amyg or bonochick" -ElevatorLady
"the idea of someone paying for server space for the org makes me feel as special as it does ridiculous" - ElevatorLady
"it isn't cool to share anything with anyone - ever - because no one cares about anyone but themselves anyway = moral of the story" -ElevatorLady
"i personally find your irrational arrogance appealing, as you're aware." -ElevatorLady (to GF)
"I'll teach you how to read in exchange for massage services." -ElevatorLady
"have i already said that message board contributions are the unfamous man's self indulgent blog? so true" -ElevatorLady
"sorry bono, you're blonde, cute, clean, seemingly well adjusted ergo i am not interested ; )" -ElevatorLady
"just now watching napoleon dynamite and now i get about half the jokes told on the internet for the last two years" -ElevatorLady
"hey depressed dude - get some fish for stress relief." -ElevatorLady
"if you have john mayer in your signature i won't listen to what you say. just being honest." -ElevatorLady
Shelfie: "I probably shouldnt say it because people will just hate on me, but mine is John Mayer. I didnt think it would ever be possibly but he over took Ryan in April."
Music, etc.: "John Mayer didn't think it would ever be possible either."
"I think diamonds are kind of ugly. I should go screaming that outside, then I would get a boyfriend for sure." -Lady Fairbanks
"What did he say? I would've kicked him." -Lady Fairbanks
"you're so mean to me, why do I tolerate it so? Oh yeah, because you're a skanky piece of ass and I love it." -Lady Fairbanks
"Haha. No my Mum's talking about buying it, if no one else does. Hopefully I can screw her for all she's worth." -Nomio
"I'm hardly a scholar, I teach high school" -Nomio
"Jesus Kat, if Ralphie had a sister it'd be you." -mofo
mofo: "And I sincerely hope people eventually come to understand that this site is Dave's personal property. Like his front yard. And we are his guests. Standing in his front yard. Just standing there. Ruining his grass."
gharland: "I'm pretty sure I saw Andy take a leak in the flower bed..."
"Telling creative people to get a relevant skill set is laughable. We're the ones that make life worth living." -WavesCrashing
"You've made a mockery of my thread about creating a myspace for a dog! Shame on you all!" -WavesCrashing
"Yep, its got the whole checklist: mean (check), harsh (check), funny (check). I didn't even know I was that talented." -WavesCrashing
"My Royals are number two, as if I even needed a list to tell me they've sucked since they won it all in '85." -WavesCrashing
"Brandon changed his mind when he realized he'd farted around too long and wouldn't get a decent ticket for the Uptown show. Remember, St. Louis has general admission tickets where you can stand by the stage. Brandon is a very weird person." -WavesCrashing
"If only there was a way I could play Dr. Mario and cure my CPU's viruses. That would rock." -WavesCrashing
WavesCrashing: "Is it wrong that I watch Hannah Montana, not to mention that I enjoy it very much on occasion?"
drewdrop: "And you guys gave me shit for saying Supernanny Jo was hot."
"Dose Amigo: a crusader for a worthless cause." -mr. sincere
"i used to think she was an imaginary girlfriend until i actually met her." -hb (about keef's girlfriend)
"please dont use the term frolf.... the only people that use that term are the people that dont play it and dont know anything about it... it is called disc golf...." -keef riffhard
"and i can say to you all in confindence that i will never be caught playing with barbi dolls in the basement like my opponent has...." -keef riffhard
"for some strange reason everyone thinks that sean is the cool one to hang out with in new york" -keef riffhard
"you dont pass sean carey on the street you narrowly escape him on the street.." -keef riffhard
"bonochick i think your dad left his moustache and extra sharp cheddar in my tree house..." -keef riffhard
"i share a birthday with eric crapton, van gogh and ernie... wow.. what an honor.." -keef riffhard
"oh and thanks to tim crimson also who can now go fuck himself.." -keef riffhard
keef riffhard: "its not so much an entertaining parody but a way to show how stupid pop music, hollywood and the music industry sucks."
NobodyGirlApproximately: "keef, shut up."
"frankly, this ernie sounds made up" -ocie
sean: "can you post a picture of you and her?"
oxfordstandard: "it'll be on the christmas card that you're getting FROM YOUR MOM."
"I emailed him that day to tell him he sucked." -oxfordstandard
"The 'i like you, but don't love you' doesn't work well on your estranged kids... They just get all huffy about it." -oxfordstandard
oxfordstandard: "if you don't socially climb how can you get to the top of society?"
Carrots: "sleep your way there. duh."
sinner: "i wish i was cool enough to abbreviate mezzanine."
Carrots: "i actually just didn't know how to spell it."
"i sassed a woman and almost broke the voting booth.
election day is fun!" -Carrots
"stalking ryan from website to website isn't going to make him love you..." -Carrots
"i'm right brained and i'm productive. don't blame it on your brain. blame it on the fact that you're being lazy." -Carrots
"the IT guy here hates me. he yells at me for going on the internet. he's probably reading this. whatever." -Carrots
"modern man is a pussy. pretty emo boys, glittery metrosexuals, cripes, isn't anybody proud to be a MAN
anymore? fucking hell, put down the fingernail polish and pick up a power tool for the love of god!" -Carrots
"speaking of stuffed animals...i just went to buy a teddy bear and picked one up off the shelf. then i picked another one up off the shelf and immediately went 'oh shit, now i have to choose.' i felt super guilty about putting one back, like i'd hurt its feelings or something if i didn't choose it. i think i'm a little too involved with stuffed animals..." -Carrots
"hey sean, it's your stupid state's fault..." -Carrots
"I, LIKE RYAN, AM A BEAUTIFUL SOUL THAT GIVES OFF ONLY SUNSHINE. PLEASE DO NOT BE CLOUDS." -Windsor Casal
"Bob Sanders doesn't do push ups, he pushes the Earth down." -whiskeytownie
"I am so glad that I have no sexy to bring to the table. You guys are brutal." -skifurthur
"still the sketchiest human being ive ever met. i still owe her $57, though, so i hope she never finds me." -Spectacle Caiman
"my temp job just got SERIOUS. i have to go work the overhead projector during a meeting. wish me luck." -Spectacle Caiman
"just got 2 early birthday cards in the mail. both contained gift cards. both to J Crew. kind of depressing, even if i secretly like that store." -TGI Jef
"this is like when gharland pretended like he hadnt heard of Soulja Boy" -TGI Jef
"the other problem/non problem is that this woman is about 35, i am 23, and my father was her ex-husband's lawyer several years ago on pretty servere pot charges. small world." -TGI Jef
"i actually work for an insurance company. she is kind of my secretary. secretary first, target of ridicule second, friend third." -TGI Jef
"i always pitied those who stayed home on weekend nights to play video games. tonight, i am one of those people." -TGI Jef
"Typecast- has a strange lounge lizard kind of feel to it. This would have fit perfectly onto Cardinology. This is not a compliment." -Shadow Monkey
"1300? 900? You first problem is taking yourself way too seriously. You work at Kroger, not a missile silo. Tell time like a normal human, then you can relax and enjoy fucking with Randy the Ram's hours after his lukewarm response to the third Joni Mitchell mix CD you gave him.
Oh, and get well soon." -Jenny McHott
AnyFamousLastWords: "Drugs/alcohol are nothing more than a one way ticket to loserville."
jasoncubarhodes: "That's across the river from awesometown, right?"
"Hey Kat: shut up!" -jasoncubarhodes
"If you quit smoking, you simply must start a blues band to even things out." -jasoncubarhodes
"When ever I meet him, I will make him sign my copy of his first band's LP. It will seem really nice, the interest I had in his long-forgotten bluegrass; or it will seem very creepy and I will never be able to attend another Cardinals show ever." -jasoncubarhodes (on Jon Graboff)
"Our break room doesn't have air conditioning, so the other day I put the big box fan that's in there on the top of the refrigerator door with the freezer door open. It wouldn't stay, so I took some three or four clothes hangers and McGuyvered it." -jasoncubarhodes
"I've watched enough Drew Carey to be conditioned to think Cleveland rocks, even if my better judgment is against it." -jasoncubarhodes
"I must admit I had no childhood trauma that prepared me for you." -jasoncubarhodes
"Baby Jesus cries when you're sarcastic in reference to the potential for Ryan Adams releases, Bonochick." -jasoncubarhodes
"The White Stripes are a lot less creepy to me if they're not actually siblings. But they make less sense, 'cause it would be hard for me to fire my sister even if she sucked that bad. Otherwise, that bitch would've been out." -jasoncubarhodes
"Bonochick in a cage! That made my day." -jasoncubarhodes
"Goldie knows how to live. Why aren't you more like Goldie, Kat?" -jasoncubarhodes
SAD EYES 2: "whats the difference between 'being in love with someone' or 'loving someone'?"
oxfordstandard: "i love taco bell, but i'm not IN LOVE with taco bell."
"Thank you soooo much for posting these. My heart is like cheese melting on a patty right now!" -yesyes
"i called the hammerstein and they said no one would be admitted without a costume. i plan on going as an obnoxious hipster - i will talk loudly over the slow tunes, push to the front when the show starts, and stand right in front of you and block your view." -oh well okay
"i think what bono is doing for the world is very commendable - but his music hurts my ears" -oh well okay
"Go back to middle school and make fun of people's height." -LetItRideEC
"wheres sweet and low? Has she got a ticket? oh god, shes gonna be sweet and sour." -ovenboy
"I hate Bono's fingers. They make me feel sick." -sweetnlow
Cannonball: "they shouldn't allow women to drive in the country and i firmly believe that."
mkat21: "Asshole. If I ever see you driving i'm gonna 'accidently' run into you for saying that."
"awww i love rainbows! i almost crashed into a telephone pole once while driving cause i was trying to look at a rainbow." -mkat21
"that happened to me once except i was dressed up as axel rose for halloween and my 200 lb guy friend jumped on me and i fell in the pavment and ripped my acid wash jeans but it was okay cause it made me look tougher with the ripped jeans." -mkat21
"my dad is hilarious, i love making fun of people with my dad, thats our hobby." -mkat21
"somebody gave me 10 dollars to do it during lunch in highschool. and well i can never turn down 10 bucks." -mkat21 (about why she snorted tomato soup through her nose)
"As always... bless his heart. He is so predictable, except for the part where it used to be predictable that he would make a bunch of really good music at frequent intervals. He's not so predictable about that anymore." -Em
"Who is surprised? This is his M.O. He LOVES the internet, reveals tons, gets freaked and/or offended, takes it all down, rinse, wash, repeat, repeat on the .org, YouTube, RAA..." -Em (on Ryan)
"glad to know they were missed. i was starting to feel like the andrea zuckerman of the .org for a while there." -somebeach
"Eat some fiber. Your movements should be under 2 minutes. If they aren't you've probably got processed meat and garbage backed up and stuck to your colon like spackling paste.
"Being the smartest server is like being the fittest kid at fat camp or the only orger online at 2 a.m. or a real lady's man at Star Trek conventions." -Ely Plains
"People get hurt all the time. Pay their medical bills, send them an edible arrangement, and hire someone else." -Ely Plains
This post counts as this week's health thread." -Ely Plains
"I don't eat out of buckets." - Ely Plains
"I like my coffee like I like my women. Not from New Jersey." -Ely Plains
"Okay, you all know that I'm a librarian and the majority of the women I work with are post-menopausal and knit mittens for their grandkids on Saturday nights as they wait for their stool softener to kick in." - Ely Plains
"I enjoy challenges. I'd like to be Gharland's wingman. Older women find me hilarious." -Ely Plains
"You can get a whole lotta house in Texas, but you'd be a whole lotta bored on the weekends." -Ely Plains
"Spit it out or Gold Falcon and I will show up with a car battery, jumper cables, and Casals back catalog." -Ely Plains
"When is administrative professionals day? I think Baffy owes Kat a ham with geraniums growing out of it." -Ely Plains
"Did you hear they make Viagra for women? It's called money." -Ely Plains
"BC: Ignore Deus. This is coming from a guy who's longest relationship is with his cell phone provider." -Ely Plains
"Jeff can tell jokes in 30 different languages. But he gets nervous at Italian restaurants." -Ely Plains
"I could wear the arby's sauce as an aftershave. That's how much I like it." -Ely Plains
"Working at McDonald's has really made you a snob." -Ely Plains
"Cruises: Where your alcoholism is completely acceptable, normal even." -Ely Plains
"If Rinda receives five e-proposals within five minutes, it counts as one real life awkward proposal at Olive Garden." -Ely Plains
"It sounds like none of us were the Prom King or Queen, and none of us wanted to be." -Ely Plains
"My Martin solid top acoustic guitar is worth more than my 97 Ford Taurus. But I can't rock my way to work." -Ely Plains
"I love white-collar job injuries. I mean, I'm white collar and occasionally this happens, but I always feel funny telling someone when I hurt myself in an office environment." -Ely Plains
Ely Plains: "They delivered one black washer and one white dryer. (we ordered both black)."
Spectacle Caiman: "maybe you could be more racially sensitive and just roll with it?"
Ely Plains: "The two appliances are living in racial harmony in my garage, Spec. I rolled with it."
Shadow Monkey: "And yet, when you do laundry, you separate the coloreds from the whites"
"I love planning/zoning! I watch the public acess channel all the time just to watch the zoning appeals procedings. Its so interesting to me for some reason. I love it when they deny people. Some times I think the're racist." -Houston County
"Sweet tea is like water down here. People look at you kind of funny if you order a coke instead of tea. Like you're gay or something." -Houston County
"Trashy people always like orange soda. Thats really sweeping, but its just my experience." -Houston County
"You people live some spontaneous-assed lives. I've had a trip to california planned for June since last summer and am still trying to summon up the courage to buy a plane ticket." -r8753876
"Cannonball really shouldn't be handing out life advice.
Come on... I've seen his sagas." -Ankaa
"If I did not watch the news I never would have known that Clay Aiken got shoved by a girl on an airplane. How do people live not knowing stuff like that?" -Ankaa
"I LOVE the winter. Because it means that there is going to be ice everywhere. Well I saw someone take a spill at the 7-11 this morning and proceeded to laugh my ass off in the car, making sure he didn't see me. Is that mean? Am I twisted?" -Losering Mi
"I actually use the Wii fat. That means I keep a strict regimine of playing Zelda for hours at a stretch whilst eating crispy Chee-tos. Gained eight pounds thus far!" -highlife
TNsquare: "Just bought a typewriter. Tower 590787. Anyone know where i can get ribbon and other accessories?"
mess of glue or nails: "i think they sell them in 1977."
kingtito: "In the poseur store, right next to the fedoras."
"I'll do anything to keep from having to find real employment." -GoldFalcon
"You can have my truck when you pry it from my blistered, sunburned hands. It's got the biggest production V8 engine ever made, a 35 gallon tank, and penguins and polar bears quake with fear every time I start it up. The knowledge that I am single-handedly raising the temperature of Richland, Washington by half a degree is worth $100 fill-ups." -GoldFalcon
"For the record I've never eaten a Buick." -GoldFalcon
"No, but I do bring along two kids, lung disease, bipolar disorder, drunkeness, and a n ex-wife with whom I share a house.
I know, it's a dream come true, right?" -GoldFalcon
"One time when I was younger, the family and I were having fun with the deep fryer. First we made french fries. Then we breaded cucumbers and a bunch of other vegetables. Then chunks of cheese. Then bits of chicken. Then we just started grabbing whatever in the kitchen. When we breaded bread, it was time to put the deep fryer away." -Jeff
"I thought you were supposed to be old. Riding a bike to the library, getting flustered by pretty girls? This sounds like a 13 year old." -Jeff (about gharland)
"It's going to be 115 degrees today. I'm definately not indie enough to wear a scarf in 115." -Jeff
"I want to be in a band so I can sit around bored while the singer gets interviewed." -Jeff
"In 6th grade, my teacher would let a kid choose a word for the next week's spelling test. One kid chose supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. He was a dick." -Jeff
s.a.l: "what's a newbie? my name is sal. but that name was already taken."
carousel: "newbie is a new person to the board."
s.a.l.: "what's a board?"
"My friend went out with a guy called Yoshi. He looked like a Japanese hamster or something - the kind of cute that you'd want to ruffle his hair and go 'aaaaaaw!' but NOT the kind of cute anyone should ever want to date. Ever. *shudder*" -cyan_scarab
"i have no car, no place to walk without fear of getting hit by a car, no friends who would drive this far out to come get me." -ant
"anyway, when that "zombies running all around" part comes around, I picture this awful image of ryan and neal like head to head singing into one mic and neal's doing this little side to side head bob as he sings it." -WalkOn
"i should have orange traffic cones placed around me at all times." -PrincessFrogbelly
"my dog ran away from home last year and i was so worried and when i found her at this old lady's house she wasn't happy to see me cause the old lady had been feeding her macaroni and cheese. slut." -PrincessFrogbelly
"my hair tries to run off while i'm sleeping." -cheerupchinup
"i found you on myspace. aren't i sneaky? i also know yer address and social security number." -chelsea bell
"bonochick is the new... everything." -chelsea bell
"You are the wind beneath my apple bottom jeans" -pagethesage1275
"Walking into my apartment is like entering a portal into a world where Martha Stewart has Radiohead posters" -pagethesage1275
"Two dudes think I look bad and 4 ladies think otherwise...I can live with that..." -pagethesage1275
"I think Michigan is the worst...when I think of frigid, depressed hell that's where I think of...I'm sure the people are nice though if Bonochick is any indication!" -pagethesage1275
"Run directly at the tornado, flailing your arms...a little known fact is that tornadoes are more scared of people than people are of tornadoes, so chances are if you do that, it'll be intimidated and flee in the opposite direction." -pagethesage1275
"Jesse also had to sing kinda quietly cause he didn't want his neighbors thinking he was batshit insane, like Ryan's neighbors probably do..." -pagethesage1275
"Woohoo! I told her there is no shame in being a secretary. Kat, when I'm president I'll make you my Secretary of Hamland Security." -pagethesage1275
"That chick's hair looks like she headbutted a weedwhacker..." -pagethesage1275
"I made fun of Ryan without knowing it was him when I saw him walking up the street in Knoxville" -pagethesage1275
"Well it's a mini, so there's not much music I can fit on it. Maybe if the dot org bought me one I'd use it!!!" -pagethesage1275
"If your mom eBayed your dad's mustache, I'd buy it." -pagethesage1275
"I like GFs theory though, mostly because it involves more money for me..." -pagethesage1275
"Is your husband going to be there? Can you tell him I'm foreign and that it's my custom for me to plant one on you?" -pagethesage1275
"OK, cool. Yeah I'll strategically hide my belt by holding my portfolio squarely in front of my crotch the whole time, as if I'm trying to hide a pee stain." -pagethesage1275
"My last girlfriend was 5 feet tall...but she was lame." -pagethesage1275
"If nothing else I can wear overalls and call her mommy so I can eat off the kids menu at Ruby Tuesdays." -pagethesage1275 (on dating a girl taller than him)
"Liz Phair should be exiled to suck-ville for her recent music." -pagethesage1275
"Anyhoo, I hate how stuff costs money." -pagethesage1275
pagethesage1275: "Hey this may cheer you up, I was in Williams & Sonoma today on my lunch break and they had a candle called 'winter forest'...$24.99 but it might be just what my holiday season needs, that bitch was fragrant!"
jrodisbefuddled: "George why the hell were you in Williams sonoma??"
pagethesage1275: "If anybody needs me I'll be on myspace."
Cannonball: "I'll take The Gayest Things I've Ever Heard A Dude say for $1000 please Alex."
"hey page - you blow." -Cannonball
"nuthin says big brains like posting your full phone number on an internet message board full of borderline-psychotic freaks. well played." -Cannonball
"Bono, when you talk like AC it makes me want to jump your bones." -Cannonball
"Dave decided that his job and making a living is more important than wasting time on this message board. who does he think he is???" -Cannonball
"take down that picture of my butt. immediately." -Cannonball
"she won't give me the time of day. alls i want is a little sex." -Cannonball
"bonochick, just wait until i post the best car accident of the year award." -Cannonball
"sometimes i put on conor oberst and curl up in the corner and just cry. just cry..." -Cannonball
"that sucks. thats what you get for trusting peruvian chair manufacturers." -Cannonball
"im not posting my wii code here this is obviously one of those phishing scams" -cwhumble
"he was very offended that people were infringing on his right to boogie. he said something about 'fucking footloose' too, it was hard to make out" -cwhumble
"maybe he can tie some dead weight, such as yourself, around his waist and jump off of a bridge into a deep river" -cwhumble
"secretaries are entitled to good music also" -dane carr
"I love it that your boyfriend's name is Ernie. That is just so right." -renee!
"Where is Brandy? I need to make her jealous." -renee!
"Wow, a lurker is quitting? Is that like someone who doesn't drink quitting drinking? Maybe the government has started forcing people to come here. . .poor lurker." -MySuicidalTurtle
"Anything featuring Phil Collins, Sting or Billy Joel is automatically disqualified." -T.OKING
ElevatorLady: "how do i find all my threads at once here?"
rinda!: "Have you tried searching for 'boring, stupid and useless nonsense with no sense of humor whatsoever?'"
"Natural Ghost? What is that, an eyeshadow shade?" -rinda!
"I'd like everyone to know that if I attack your position, it's because I hate you." -rinda!
"Brandy's emails are so dirty that servers shiver." -rinda!
"Aw, Dave loves Brandy. He wants to sit in a tree with her." -rinda!
"Whenever someone ignores me I just tell myself that they're in love with me and can't talk to me anymore because my heat is too powerful." -rinda!
"There is no one whose ear I can chew off better than my mom's. She remains breathless with anticipation for every minute detail of my life. It's awesome." -rinda!
"i was mad yesterday cos i went to panera and their mountain dew wasn't mixed well. so i had to have pepsi instead. damn you, panera." -malkmess
"I just realized something reading this thread...me posting on this messageboard is the longest relationship I have had except with the email address I have.." -Ron Burgundy
"apparently three people think sean is funny? come on people get serious" -thebalvenie
When Duke487 needed help with a virus:
bottle rock: "now maybe you'll stop downloading porn and illegal software."
Duke487: "That's really original. Thank you."
When Duke487's XBOX broke:
thebalvenie: "Tiger Woods golf is the only video game i'm good at...IT'S THE BEST"
Duke487: "Thanks man I'll enjoy not being able to play it."
"Who did your lawn? Edward Scissorhands?" -Duke487 (to tapilon)
"Don't be like Jason Cubar and look it up online and then answer and act as if you didn't. Try to really answer it." -Duke487
"In 1998 or so, Shaq was in town playing the knicks. I saw Shaq on the street and asked him for his autograph and he said 'no kid' and then hit his head while getting into a limo. Swell guy." - Duke487
"Looks like our pal Ryan Adams had a meltdown again. A MELTDOWN OF AWESOMENESS!!!!!!" -Duke487
"No this isn't a goodbye thread where I say things like 'The org is a skid mark on the underpants of Ryan Adams society! Catch ya on the flip side org! Andy out. Goodbye forever.'" -Duke487
"Sorry it's not up to snuff with you, you internet hipster bullshit batshit b*tshit fucker." -Duke487
"Let's talk about how you haven't even cracked 800 posts yet. Come on Bonochick you're slacking! The old Bonochick woulda wiped the floor clean with posts...after the first 10 minutes." -Duke487
"Wow cheap shots at my hair. If anyone wants to know...my hair is on par with Uncle Jesse's." -Duke487
"Hey Bonochick the 1800's called...they want your hobbies back." -Duke487
"ketchup is the only real special sauce" -badgerwolf
"Hurricaine Dean. they really are running outta names for storms...what next...hurricaine wayne?" -badgerwolf
"BONO..I WOULD NOT HIT YOU FOR ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY...WE JUST DONT DO THAT SORTA THING IN LONDON...PEACE BABY PEACH" -badgerwolf
"what disturbs me is that in 200 years, when some poor person is tracing their family history, they'll realise they're distantly related to the Spears family and they'll instantly regret discovering genealogy." -poops
"I love the haters in here now. I just go all tim crimson on them." -poops
"whats runaway d" -tim crimson
"I havent sashayed in a while" - tim crimson
"I went to a shrink once does that count I thought the tv was talking to me for im being serious" -tim crimson
"what you dont like radiohead i hate you" -tim crimson
"I could skate barely but forget ice skates I couldnt even stand up" -tim crimson
"i'm too fat and the buckle cuts into my puppy tummy and crotchular area" -youngheartsbefree
"you are a sad lonely troll who cant spell!" -Mickey
"Bonochick brings us crashing down into reality again." -Mickey
"wouldnt want to sit behind me my hair is huge!" -Mickey
"Scummy man! how was halloween? did you throw eggs at kids tresspassing on your property!??" -Mickey
"I don't think killing your dogs and going all crazy is the solution." -winter_trees
"Nick Cave; are you not a fan of your own substantial back catelogue of DVDs?" -winter_trees
"Who cares about geography if you know the star signs of all the members of the Hold Steady?" -winter_trees
"gavo, yer real life is juicier than my pretend life, go with it, flow with it." -laterallie
"i bet she's gone swimming. it will be some sorta babe soup if she is there" -gavo
"bonochick has a 'favorite freighter' ??" -gavo
"I would pay good money to see Bonochick sing, dressed as David Lee Roth." -Whitney
"if your family love you they'll sleep on an air hockey table" -Quincy
"I believe 'muffin' is a made up word so as Americans don't feel guilty about eating cake for breakfast." - Quincy
"mmm free lunch." -Quincy
"o'reilly is just mad that he's a n00b and gets pwned all the time." -Quincy
"i'll love jinder when he plays somewhere i can go see him, until then, dead to me" -Quincy
"I love that when I joke about what bonochick might do, she probably has already or does do it." - Quincy
"Oh yeah one thing, when I went through the security at St.Peters the metal detector went off, but I had no metal, was it actually a faith detector?" -Quincy
"could we also stop posting words that i have to open up dictionary.com for?" -Quincy
"that's the most awesomenest picture i've seen of whiskers, so awesome that i forgot grammar." -Quincy
"all i was doing was tapping her on the head, apparently that's annoying." -Quincy
"i can see why ernie is such a catch now, those train sets and snoring." -Quincy
"It's always cheese day JJ, I don't need no calendar to tell me when to eat cheese" -Quincy
tomb: "I just don't see how one can spend that kind of money to watch some hack humiliate himself."
Dan33185: "Ask the people on RAA"
"I am constantly posting things/thoughts I think would be more relatable to people at night, but nobody's ever online at the same time I am, and then when they're online, it's morning and I appear a raving lunatic. Ah well." -tomb
"Please refrain from discussing the finer details of my descent from the ugly tree" -yourkingpin
"tim...that's not nice or grammatically correct." -johnnysdead
"corn dogs are like crack to me" -johnnysdead
"see theRoses, bonochick likes it so it must be good" -johnnysdead
"men who are almost 40 shouldn't be described as fragile. and i didn't say i wanted to punch him in the crotch. just any random person so i can dissipate my jealousy." -dianne
"people actually wear white belts? i swear, nyc is its own world." -dianne
"not only is the chest mane fake, but he's old too???? that will teach me to swoon over anyone on the internets." -dianne
"mythbusters freaks. looks like they are touring. how very odd. they're coming to albuquerque, but i'm not up to spending almost $40 + ticketmaster charges to see geeks blow things up. i can visit my brother if i want to see that." -dianne
"shut up. for realz? they gonna get all up in yo' grill and give you hydraulics, yo? that was my attempt at street talk. forgive me." -dianne
"i changed my mind. you probably shouldn't be a foster parent if you're asking jebus for golden showers." -dianne
"i have more. rhett miller. jamie cullum. garrison starr. the rest of bnl. sean carey... oh wait. you said famous people. nevermind." -dianne
"ISPY is the algorithm. don't let those ask.com commercials fool you." -dianne
dianne: "i love that bonochick thinks her dad lurks on the .org."
J.J. LaBeef: "I love how I actually thought she might be right :)"
Me: "I don't know, guys, he's a much better guitar player than I am. Want to hear me play the same chords over and over again until I accidentally let go of my pick and it falls in my guitar and takes me ten minutes to get it out?"
sean: "ooh...maybe you could open for bon iver!!"
"NO, he is playing on his internet persona (or hes really like that i dunno) that he hates fat people and hes always fit. In a way he's bragging but tyring to pull it off as being funny. I know how his mind works, we are both leos" -kjoyoho (about Ely)
kjoyoho: "sorry sean, i did not mean it, i dont know what came over me. im hungry, i dunno"
kjoyoho: "nuthin', i think i told you to take your recipe and shove it up your ass."
sean: "oh. fair 'nuff."
"if you bring a spoon to a knife fight, prepare to get forked." -sean
"sinner, you're about as spiritually uplifting as a corndog." -sean
"and he's a nice guy in person too. his whole thing on here is a sham. though he does wear scarves indoors" -sean
"I'm an enigma wrapped up like a douche, keefus." -sean
"gharland, I'm not sure if you're the measuring stick for niceness." -sean
"corner of 79th and the west side highway. apt. b4. buzzer sticks, so just keep ringing if he doesn't answer right away." -sean (in response to where Ryan lives)
my hair covers eye,
I look sad and musical,
indie charts await." -sean
"I welled up a bit too, but was commuting on the ferry and didn't want to get beat up, so I thought about baseball." -sean
"Maybe it's Ryan's evil twin, trying to steal his fame." -ryanfan
"i have a one man band. its just called awesome." -sinner
"sidenote: if you want to lure milwaukee girls, you should mention free beer, cheese or brats come with the ticket." -sinner
"is it just me, or have the people who write the fortunes that go in fortune cookies gotten really lazy? for example, i got this one today: 'you have a keen sense of humor and love a good time.'thanks genius." -sinner
"i don't have 'ringers.' my phone is either on silent, vibrate or off. preferably off. actually, preferably at the bottom of a lake." -sinner
"i keep my phone on vibrate. i like cheap thrills." -sinner
"i don't hate bono. i just wish he'd stop being so preachy and just play something off of joshua tree." -sinner
"the best part about the magic bullet infomercial is the friends' reactions. they are so completely mesmerized and amazed by this magic-indeed contraption that they are about to bust out of their dockers. but its all an act; you know as soon as they left the husbands all berated the wives for making them go to watch her friend prepare shitty meals with her new toy." -sinner
"i agree with stumbling. that's right, i said it." -sinner
sinner: "as a side note... does someone tape everything these days?"
Olivia: "That's how we roll now"
"Whatever mental illness should keep Ryan Adams from ever using the internet again seems to be contagious." -mutineer
"In all fairness, a master's degree is not exactly that hard to get. In many areas they are a consolation prize for people who can't finish their doctorate." -mutineer
"I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous." -mutineer
"I'm not actually French." - Jean Pierre
"patience is for losers" -Svetlana
"im super mean to the dorks on the decemberists board because they deserve it. hipster-ass bastards" -jrowland
"don't worry bonochick...i won't be handing out pretzels. i usually give out the king size snickers...they are easier to put the razor blade in it." -cgoodwin22
"when will scummy realize he can't spell?" -cgoodwin22
cgoodwin22: "what about if you camp out to see Wilco?"
WillieCash: "That's like camping out to see the second cousin of the guy who invented the carpeted toilet seat cover."
scummy man: "well then, here comes a rise in obesity in the US!! 350 DOLLARS!! give me BIG MACS!"
sweet-illusion: "Meanwhile, stupidity has peaked in the UK."
"I know in 50 years when I stare down at my bicep and see that hula girl looking back at me I'll remember that I got it so I could make her dance when I flexed, and that I thought it was badass." -sweet-illusion
"knight in shining zubaz" -sweet-illusions
"I know a guy who knows a guy whose dad invented Zubaz (here in Minnesota). If anyone is looking for large quanties, let me know. It's quite the hook-up." -Youngboy
"If I was stranded on a deserted island I would like a goat as a pet, kinda like Robinson Crusoe." -Youngboy
"It wasn't me! I swear I'd never snap pics of fish to try and smoove a girl on the internets." -Youngboy
"Bonochick is the fine porcelain of this toilet bowl, and without her we'd all be splashing in our own pee." -Youngboy
"Ha! Scooter's blog would be about how he is going to one day kill his nemesis, Sammy, the bitchiest cat this side of Nantucket." -Youngboy
"My pee is so clean that I could bottle it and sell it as an energy drink." -Youngboy
"Being single is great, i love it, but being lonely ain't so great" -Dim-eyez
"bonochick said big jug. hugg hugg." -cochrock121
"you feel bad because she married me? that sounds just like her parents." -cochrock121
"i invented creepy. you are a follower. hello black robes and purple nikes." -cochrock121
"guys who work at being fit and trim are selfish bastards. I should know, I am one." -SpaceCity
"scorpions are such intriguing creatures; they're like the lobsters of the desert." -mr. gay
"well, to generalize, it's because American kids are lazy, so once we get to college the faculty wants to challenge us to make up for the shit ass public education. you either adapt, or you go to hamburger university.." -mr. gay
"now if i only had a million dollars for every friend i don't have.." -mr. gay
"yea, i see your point. but, i'll still give credit to a movie where mutants kidnap a baby to feed to a fat mutant." -mr. gay
"i forgive you and your pissy attitude toward me. baby, let's get groovy and count the stars in each others eyes....." -mr. gay (to LauraJ)
"Cats SO DO NOT SUCK!!!!!!!!!Tapilon you are not worthy of the feline love." -LauraJ
"the only thing more pathetic than doogie is a doogie-wannabe. Go plagiarize some more Oscar Wilde, asswipe." -LauraJ
"Some people at shows deserve to get punched in the face." -crimesofparis
"I can take it. I passed my internet tough guy test." -jamestown koolaid
"you obviously have no sense of humor. get out." -destroyer
"One of my co-workers said her cousin is getting her masters to be a public school librarian.
This can't be true, can it?
What skills are required that aren't similar to working at Blockbuster? No offense, Ely." -WillieCash
"Brown Hamburger with onion, drain, add other ingredients, stir, simmer ten minutes, eat, be fat." -WillieCash
"It's like a chili-cheese corndog casserole. After eating it you will hate yourself for never eating it before. You will actually be jealous of yourself WHILE eating it." -WillieCash
"Wait a minute, I've worn western snap shirts all of my life. I need to stop wearing them because some hipster asshole decided they were ironic?" -WillieCash
"I had some K-Feds once, my mom wouldn't buy me Nikes" -tgram
"I buy these because Brett Favre told me to." - DougoBlue
"The UP is certainly a jewel, but we're trying to keep it a secret." -DougoBlue
"Wow, my punctuation went all crimson on me." -DougoBlue
"Both my teenage daughters have no current boyfriends and therefore got no valentines. Except from me. They were both in really bitchy moods last night, but I was kind of happy. A lot less for me to worry about without those losers lurking around. Prick-Dad strikes again." -DougoBlue
"The couple that sniffs Gain together stays together" -ISPY2
"Ryan is playing with his sword someplace, contemplating what anguished thought he is going to post on the next blog he makes" -ISPY2
"I have a religious service every Sunday am in the Church of My Great Big Bed, zzzzzzzzz!" -ISPY2
"Study: Ice Cream May Help With Fertility. Jizzy must be Fertile Myrtle by now..." -ISPY2
ISPY2: "You need to start wearing a helmet"
strawberry dream: "and ruin my hair??"
"I had a lady. I made reservations at a really nice intimate little place called Jarnac. Unfortunately, we broke up last friday because she's a petty and irritable person." -mmbmike737
"I got hacked over the holidays. I had to apologize and explain to my e-freinds that I was not in the horny laptop business." -hipsterdoofus
"I seriously would dump a girl who held me to this birthday is my day all day b.s. if she knew how much I loved a band and had waited 5 years to see them. Hell, I'd dump jesus if he didn't understand that this year we were celebrating his b-day on December the 26th because whiskeytown has decided to play a reunion gig on the 25th." -hipsterdoofus
"Embrace insomnia as you would embrace Bea Arthur. Thats what I do." -Dan33185
"Uhm yeah, my wife agrees that I am completely and utterly infallible... at least in my dreams she does." -Baffy
"What's with the self-deprecation? I thought you were an American? Leave that to the British, thanks." -Baffy
"Digital hatred can travel though the internet and kill people at the other end." -fasterpiece
Eskimo's ARE a sneaky bunch. Fact." -borrowedsuit
"Cars make me feel like I'm in a not funny low budget sequel to the Money Pit sometimes." -borrowedsuit
"but, you know, garbage in... garbage out. and i'm full of trash so nothing good really comes out." -borrowedsuit
"i absolutely despise this. when i was 8 i took a nap at like 5 on christmas eve after noon and slept till like 10. when i woke up i thought it was christmas. it wasn't. at that point it was maybe the most dissapointing moment of my life." -borrowedsuit
borrowedsuit: "I actually heard that soap shavings spread out around flowers will keep deer away."
the bear: "no that will keep hippies away"
"Seriously, I'm like the black sheep of my family 'cause I have'nt been married 4+ times, needed to to depend on someone else financialy or stabbed another memeber of my family in the back for personal gain." -Shadow the Grey
"I remember (and this shows my age a bit) hitting my sisters on the head with the large glass bottles and then blaming my imaginery enemy." -Shadow the Grey
monoBEAR: "you've got an incredibly ignorant way of labeling people, tapilon. i assume you will be wearing something that is out of this world awesome. like a xmas sweater?"
Brandy: "i know tom will be sporting that brooks bros reindeer sweater vest that i got him for his birthday. watch out, ladies! he will totally stay out until 11 and drink an appletini. buckwald."
"no, my wife is single." -monoBEAR
"wait. gharland's a guy?!" -MsTcklRose
"wow gharland, you really are mean." -boofer
"Are you throwing the challenge flag? It's official because I goddamn well said it is. Challenge that!" - gharland
"you are legally required to hate your job Kat. any more of your foolishness and I will have you arrested. And we all know Ernie would have trouble raising bail." -gharland
"The French just think they are sooo smart with their different words for everything..." -gharland
"all I know is Al Goore invented the internet to bring people closer together in a positive way, not so that you could call someone in Omaha a needle-nosed pedophile." -gharland
"I'm so sorry..." - "...about Easy Tiger?" - gharland
"You must be truly cretinous for Bono to not want to be your friend. Her standards are very low." -gharland
"Bono - I can't come to your party because I would just get drunk and end up telling Ernie about all your fiances. Besides you would just give me some stupid job like keeping an eye on your aquarium." -gharland
"How out of it am I? A friend has a 14 year old son and he was at the bar on Sunday (no I wasn't trying to get the kid drunk) and he says 'so Halo 3 is out tomorrow at midnight' and I'm so clueless I thought he said 'Harold' so I go 'Harold 3? What's that?' and someone else heard and nearly died laughing." -gharland
"OK ISPY2 - it was 10 fuckin years ago. There is no ticket stub and, like I said, I can't find a site that shows this show. If you can remember the exact date of a show or anything from 10 years ago where there is no record of the event I will be impressed. I'll phone the home that you are in and tell them to let you have ice cream for dessert." -gharland
"u talking to me? you said something nasty to me yesterday too. If I was Cannonball, you'd be on notice so fast your head would spin." -gharland
"I'd be happier if BC didn't turn every thread into a discussion of one of her (many) childhood obsessions she has not grown out of..." -gharland
"ISPY2 is working on a book right now about his experience in the Civil War. maybe you should wait until that comes out." -gharland
"I'll definitely go there on Friday. Just look for a grumpy fuck on a bike kicking scalpers in the stomach as I ride by. shouldn't be hard to spot..." -gharland
"I'd drop her like a bad transmission. If she doesn't realize how much this means to you she is just full of herself. Birthdays are overrated anyway. Stand up to her for chrissakes. (obviously written by someone thrilled beyond words at the prospect of seeing Sparklehorse at a club in their neighbourhood not to rub it in...)" -gharland
"I would never be so lost that I couldn't find my fave bar." -gharland
"oh for chrissakes just go buy yourself a fucking fish. I hate it when you get whiny." -gharland
"you really have to move to a city princess Bonochick...you are going daffy from isolation" -gharland
"no offence to Princess Bonochick but I really hope there is some Ryan news soon if a new fishtank is the most excitment on here." -gharland
"khaki slacks = no chance in hell of getting a job unless you are planning on working in a pet shop" -gharland
"so if I'm not a douchebag, I don't need to listen to this. OK. I hope you promote yourself better when your CD comes out scott." -gharland
"the less you know about me the better...trust me" -gharland
gharland: "BHJ - I warned you one day. you were aggravating me. I have my limits. you are listed until further notice."
Blues Harp J: "You are easily aggravated then I take it. Take me off your list until you have a better reason."
"well, don't wet your pants yet folks." -gharland
"yeah shut up you rotten pineapple" -Blues Harp J
"Ryan should do a top 7 books of 2007 and not include him" -Blues Harp J (after Stephen King didn't include Easy Tiger in his top 7 albums of 2007)
"i have it its the first book i ever read i hate reading i get bored" -rockabilly
"oh i get girls in bars easy enough its just te next bit thats hard i eitherr lie to them or tell them the truth either way im fucked so i think i better get a job" -rockabilly
"dude, that love machine costs $2,000. don't ask me how I know." -NobodyGirlApproximately
"I'm swapping love for cheese." -NobodyGirlApproximately
"I was picked on a lot at school, but that didn't matter because I had a good friend that stood by me, until he became a shallow fuck and ditched me for the D&D buttertrolls in library." -NobodyGirlApproximately
"I love taking walks in the park with my wife. but the thing is, I don't love it because I'm with my wife; I like to pretend she's a wild animal, and I've tamed her and taught her to walk with me. like a donkey. take my donkey by the hoof, and walk with her. I feel horrible because I know she thinks I love to just spend time with her in the park. I need to tell her..." -NobodyGirlApproximately
"I don't need friends, relationships, alcohol, drugs, etc. to live.
People would think I'm socialy inept, crazy or FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY. I'm not crazy, I just don't like other people." -NobodyGirlApproximately
"Please pour gasoline on your computer." -tapilon
"Message board signatures are horrible and sad, no matter how 'cool' they are. There are multiple shitty sigs here." -tapilon
"Sorry, but either way, this whole think smells of loser." -tapilon
"WHAT SIN ACOUSTIC?? OMG!!!1111 WHERE??WERHJWLJRNCV" -tapilon
"Well shit. You can't even see how attractive I am. Oh well, I'll find another." -tapilon (after posting a pic of himself)
"I'm not sure what else you're looking for, unless you're just trying to let us know that you have 300 records. Either way, best of luck. I'd help you, but I threw out my back playing squash with Billy Crudup." -Mark Kozelek
"OH I forgot! I'll be renting movies and holing up in my room pretending I'm in France." -lacey
"Its not a gun rack. I almost sent one, but then i realized that i couldn't afford shipping on it." -raceylacey
"Bonochic, i've lost count of how many fiancee's you have!" -raceylacey
"I think your the only grown up that i've heard say that they wanted a juice box still." -raceylacey
"what did it say? oh wait, i guess i can quit being lazy and look myself" -raceylacey
"maybe he neesd to tie his keys and phoen to a string and tie it around his neck so he'll always know where there at. ooops sorry for being mean about your man megiekay!" -raceylacey
"i don't have the focus to read this whole thread but find it rather amusing that anyone is passing judgment either way on what is a second hand story. and this is how the internet works. and thus the world. i want to kill myself." -keakdasneak
"in conclusion this could have been a good album if it had different songs and a different singer." -friend of the devil
"but i am fan of buttholeville! wait, i mean...the song..." -friend of the devil
"My dream is to start a band with only a keytar, a mouth organ and the bongos." -GROG
"I was never able to date someone with a mustache since my dad has always had one... plus I just don't think making out with a mustache would be all that wonderful..." -juliet
"I think chick flicks set up young girls to be disappointed." -juliet
"i hate green cleaning. I jumped on the band wagon, I bought soy/citric/vinegar compounds to clean my house with and you know what? It sucks. I like the smell of artifical pine, lemon and whatnot. I like the fact you need ventalation to clean with certain products. I like the toxicity. It makes me feel clean." -megiekay
"this thread is making my overies twitterpate." -megiekay
"i think my IQ is highter than my credit score" -megiekay
"someday i will go out in a bonnet. I think i would look so hot." -megiekay
"i've been totally depressed at work, there was ntohing to do (besides actually WORK) but with the org down, it was toggling between tmz and perez. aparently celebrities can go 4 and a half hours without doing something insane and self destructive" -megiekay
"it's 'family night' at Kenzy's school, im brining cupcakes...fuck this whole mom thing....grrrrrrrr" -megiekay
"if i was in a the financial situation i would adopt a nice black baby from the us ghetto. that is how i roll...." -megiekay
"I thought I detected her voice or at least a female voice on taught myself, but it was probably Neal singing like flanders again" -Rag Doll
"U2 Have been so dull for so long, that who cares really, at least Noel is funny, Bono is just a pair of sunglasses looking for a sainthood. bonochick time to change your name,how about larrychick, or adamchick." -Rag Doll
"also, i love when people go 'i'm not insane' which immediately means they are.." -the hero game
"Charli and I chat and she sends me loads of pics. I want to talk about our future and she just wants to show off her sweet bod. Guess I can't complain." -dannynoonan
"oh yeah, bono is decent. however, her sense of humor is sort of grandmaesque. wayne and garth are only funny to her and like one other person trapped in the 90's." -dannynoonan
"Always mediating bono. Peacekeeping extraordinaire. You're like the kid in the family who cries when people yell and wants everyone to just get along. I'd pay good money to see you tear someone a new asshole once." -dannynoonan
"At one time in my life, I actually believed that Dashboard Confessional's lead singer's eyebrows were going to take over the world." -Detective Stabler
"I just hear 'damage' and think 'Kat'." -J.J. LaBeef
Halloweenhead: "a dutch slug orgy, jizzy? whoa."
J.J. LaBeef: "On water. In my sister's garden. Seriously. I think I counted about 12 pairs. And some solo's watching."
"the back of his head is flat....his mamma must have set him on his back during a critical newborn head molding phase.." -Halloweenhead
"I thought omg is Bonochick actually leaving Michigan! I can barely get you to Chicago... " - Halloweenhead
Halloweenhead: "i'm a 13th baby, doens't faze me whatsoever"
Pushy Tramp: "13? What are you? Catholic or Cannibals?"
Pushy Tramp: "I only send valentines to the third world."
winter_trees: "On behalf of Bono?"
"I bet Ryan wakes up in the morning, looks out his window at the bustling sidewalks and mutters to himself "so sad, look at all these people trying so hard not to look at me"." -Pushy Tramp
"That's made me laugh like a kid who's watching another kid dressed like Peter Pan being hit by his parents." -Pushy Tramp
"So, from that, you get me as a rash, lonely, self-absorbed, hairy homosexual, who wants to be alone...or with a girlfriend....but not a girlfriend made of fish...and especially not fish bought from Sainsbury's. I don't like this game anymor." - Pushy Tramp
"If someone asks you if you are a hippy, the possible answers give us the following results:
No = Not a hippy (brief and informative)
No man = Hippy (but in disguise, trying to hide from their hippy origins)
Yes = Hippy (casual answer, content within themselves)
Yes man = Not a hippy (wannabe hippies, yes they exist; they're trying too hard)" -Pushy Tramp
"One of my earliest memories is of being in a sandpit, and my friend pointing out two daddy long-legs and then picking one up and eating it. I didn't think much of it at the time, but the very fact that I remember it nearly 20 years later is a testiment to my keen eye." -Pushy Tramp
"I fuggin' love snow. Makes me feel like Kevin McAllister." -Pushy Tramp
"i love it when people on a message board tell other people on that message board to get a life. seriously. youre here too, dingbat." -Early_Cuyler
"The inconvenient truth is that I hate Al Gore." -Jebus
"I want royalties. Except I stole it from somewhere, so that could be problematic." -Jebus
"I just wasted 5 minutes reading this thread and writing this response, and when you look at the big picture, this has nothing to do with my life or anything that is important to me." -jonathin
"i'm probably going to get a job at petsmart while i wait either for fall semester or societal collapse. maybe then i can eat the fish and hamsters." -ennui
"jokes on you. I never even opened the thread." -PinkySwear
"Also, don't take advice from failures who are simply a few years older than you." -llr
"i feel a bit like jon arbuckle today" -llr
"people from the midwest are weird." -llr
"how did i end up in this chick thread- get me out of here" -gunclub
~~~Quotes From The Old Dot-Org~~~
"One day, if the stars align, I will make it to Bonochick's signature list...
and if you use this one, I'll cut you good..." -Ron Burgndy
"I've had a beef with you ever since I 'came back' - where the fuck is one of my glorious quotes in your profile? I mean, I understand that it is impossible to incorporate everything I've ever said into your profile, but really - you could pick SOMETHING." -Emily
"Making the Bonochick profile is like being the pool champ in the local dive bar - only the crudest, drunkest, and ugliest ever get the title." -Emily
"Seriously, how much fun would we have?! We'd both be laughing until Merlot comes squirting out our noses." -Emily
"Only a true friend would tell you the bow is too cute." -Emily
"It's time we face it - we're all horrible, bad people." -Emily
"Touching my feet with your mouth should be a stunt on Fear Factor." -Emily
"I love kids. Except for the ugly ones. And the creepy ones. And the totally insane ones." -Emily
"its sort of like when people say they laughed all the way to the bank they didnt really laugh all the way they stopped for ice cream on the way" -brandy crimson
"You have a waterbed? Ha ha!!" -brandy_bomb
"I hope they don't give you a Geo Metro to drive around in. You have suffered enough." -brandy_bomb
"I wish Little Debbie made bitchcakes." -brandy_bomb
"Kat would be banning people for not liking ham and lizards." -brandy_bomb
"I'm seriously going to cry about missing Justin. Ticketmaster is always telling me not to miss Nickleback, but they couldn't have sent me a note about Justin? I hate them." -brandy_bomb
"It was one adult novelty store, and they didn't ban me. They just said I couldn't take pictures with the merchandise. Gah. Get your facts straight." -brandy_bomb
"I can get insulted by my family. I don't have to come to the internet for that." -brandy_bomb
"If I banned her, who would I make fun of?" -brandy_bomb
"When did stalking get such a bad rap? Is it wrong that my love for you requires me to hide in the backseat of your car? I think not." -brandy_bomb
"Fights on the internet are so 1999." -brandy_bomb
"Keef has an ass that you know Xenu had to have made on a Saturday, just so he could rest on Sunday." -brandy_bomb
"You should tell them that your aunt Gertie is sick, and she might not make it. I'd place her on life support like Thursday while at work, and on Friday pretend that random phone calls are from relatives. At my last job my Aunt Gertie died seven times. The poor woman." -brandy_bomb
"I will beat you like some stiff egg whites. Bitch, you will peak." -brandy_bomb
"I've already threatened him and called him a bitch. I'm wearing the pants in this thread." -brandy_bomb
"You know you would eat a mile of turds just to kiss my lips, Katmandu." -brandy_bomb
"Dang it to heck. You know I'm sad when I use wholesome curse words." -brandy_bomb
"Huey Lewis. Ask Kat about Huey. She has erected a shrine, and Huey erected something for Kat in return." -brandy_bomb
"Bono is one fine piece of U2 loving tail." -brandy_bomb
"HAHAHA! I always keep a spare ass." -brandy_bomb
"I met them Friday night after the show, so I can attest to the story. I got four cigarettes off Peter Hayes, and I don't even smoke. I actually ended up with all four lit in my hand at once. I will get lung cancer for BRMC. Proudly." -brandy_bomb
"I'd hate to have the board shutdown over the sharing of Jewel files. We have a rep to maintain." -brandy_bomb
"I love my Justin Timberlake disc just as much as my Ryan disc. Can Ryan have my naked by the end of his song? Probably, but I did it unwittingly." -brandy_bomb
"Oh, how I wish to be his Double Gulp, so that he could swig from my fountain of sexy." -brandy_bomb
"Well that is one way to know that the house is on fire. Kat wet herself. EVACUATE!!!" -brandy_bomb
"Last year I got Michael Bolton's greatest hits for my birthday. I shit you not. Apparently my attempts at humor on the job fell short, and my co-workers actually thought I enjoyed Michael Bolton. My emotionally charged rampage later that day was all anyone could talk about." -brandy_bomb
"My step-dad smoked himself into a pair of cowboy boots from Marlboro. Do you even know how many Marlboro miles he had to save for those?" -brandy_bomb
"I got Tim Mcgraw's greatest hits for Christmas one year. Yup.
That was the Christmas I punched my grandma in the face." -brandy_bomb
"I'll ban your retarded ass out of spite." -brandy_bomb
"Even my mom hates James Blunt." -brandy_bomb
"Kat, go to hell." -brandy_bomb
"George is not friendly. He's mean and his friend ate all the muffins at the continental breakfast." -brandy_bomb
"A fucking calculator? Hahahahahahahahaha!! Bitch, don't fuck with me or I will graph your ass on the Y axis." -brandy_bomb
"I'm an emo ninja. I kill them with bad poetry, and lots of eye makeup." -brandy_bomb
"New Rule: Bluetooth headset users have to do something that lets me know you're just on the phone and not a dangerous schizophrenic. Right? We don't know if you're talking to your secretary or the evil leprechaun who lives in your head. You're not the chief communications officer of the Starship Enterprise. You're a shoe salesman asking your mom if you can bring over your laundry. If I wanted to overhear every tedious scrap of brain static rattling around in your head, I'd read your blog." -brandy_bomb
"He was all sitting next to freaking Ryan Cabrera. How do you spell that? The man's hair is illegal in seven states. This totally includes Puerto Rico." -brandy_bomb
"Why have I not been friended? Ass." -brandy_bomb
"Everyday we should wake up and thank Xenu that we aren't Fred Durst." -brandy_bomb
"I once changed the numbers on my stepbrother's order. Instead of getting Busta Rhymes, he got It's Time for Regis." -brandy_bomb
"I just threatened my cat with bodily harm for playing with the earbuds. He does not know what a taco kicking is right now, but he will soon enough." -brandy_bomb
"You need your skin. Otherwise, your innards will be all cold and on display. Talk about a fashion faux pas." -brandy_bomb
"I caught the gay once at a Wham concert. Luckily, it washed off in the shower." -brandy_bomb
"We had a boy here in town who put his little puppy dog on a grill, and set him on fire. If I was the judge I would have sentenced him to die the same way. Only I would have roasted marshmallows over his ass." -brandy_bomb
"You brought up John Mayer, and the shit went down fast." -brandy_bomb
"I am worried about my pent up agression. I may have to visit an Insane Clown Posse forum before I go to bed." -brandy_bomb
"That's fucking right you fucking fucker. I'd fucking stake claim on that fucking shit if I was fucking you. I mean who the fuck do these fuckers think they fucking are? Fucking Xenu or some fucking shit. I fucking swear. It's all a bunch of fucking shit any fucking way. Do I get the fucking title for the most fucking times fuck has been said in a fucking post without it fucking pertaining to any fucking thing? I fucking hope so you fucking motherfuckers. Fuck me I'm fucking out." -brandy_bomb
"I saw the Stones on their last tour. I bought two tickets in the very last row of the arena. I'm talking if a lightbulb needed to be changed, I could have done it. The tickets were $157 a piece and that didn't include the fees. I thought I was going to die when I hit the process button.
From now on tickets have to be under $50 with fees for me to go. A girl has to have her standards. Of course this could all change when Neil Young plays the Ryman. I'd sell my mama for that one." -brandy_bomb
"I would donate a kidney to my iPod if she needed it. I can't even go to the kitchen without her. It's disgusting how much I love the availability of it." -brandy_bomb
"I think she called you a drag queen. I wouldn't take that sitting down. Whip her with your boa." -brandy_bomb
"Willie Nelson is starting to offend me with his musical partners. I was all for him and Ryan falling into the Gap, but man Jessica Simpson and Toby Keith just fuck with me emotionally. I think I need a moment." -brandy_bomb
"I almost ran over Little Richard in my car once. Him and those damn sparkly boots." -brandy_bomb
"OH MY GAWD!!!! We should write a sitcom about folks using everyday words as descriptors for awesomeness. Is that a word?
Did you see that movie last night? It was so Tupperware, and the effects were Ramen." -brandy_bomb
"Well aren't U2 fans big spenders? We are Ryan Adams fans. We want to spend money on booze. Not fancy flood control. Ha ha!!" -brandy_bomb
"I like the swimmers bodies. I so watch sports for all the wrong reasons. I also had a dream about the Hamm twins involving chalk, myself, and a pommel horse." -brandy_bomb
"I would be pretty boring to stalk. You'd be like, damn, this girl sleeps a lot." -brandy_bomb
"Kat, I told you. The Food Network will call you if they need a new schizo, semi-nude chef." -brandy_bomb
"I think Peter Gallagher's eyebrows deserve their own show. You can not run from the eyebrows, for they offer some sort of animal magnetism. I will come to you, blessed eyebrows." -Boimb LaBeef
"Oh, it better be on, or someone is getting buttfucked with a 2x4."
"Middle school was loser paradise." -SJWmod
"you goddamn doogied in your love of the crimson" -J.J. LaCrimson
"Vanilla Ice ruins everything." -victoria
"May the shwartz be with you Bonostalkerchick. By the way, that's pretty sneaky trying to entice me into your neighborhood with yogurt. You are one lazy stalker. Should I sit on the street in front of your house so all you have to do is occasionally look up from the computer and leer and isn't this one damn long sentence???" -mojoryzin
"We're all in this together! My manhood is not threatened. For the moment." -Dave
"The funny thing is that many of us are recommending grilling, yet the idea of Bonochick around fire is a bit unsettling." -goldnhmr
"I hope your boyfriend took out personal accident insurance when he moved in with you. Rumour has it your dad hasn't had so much as an ingrown nail since you left." -goldnhmr
"She took a lot of time making up her profile never to come back.
Bonochick probably ran her over with her car or something." -goldnhmr
"Ryan is being a poseur with that Motley Crue shirt. He listens to John Tesh like constantly." -goldnhmr
"Rumour has it Bono cried when he heard you weren't attending any shows....." -goldnhmr
"Ryan can slime all over me anytime." -goldnhmr
"That reminds of the time I went to a Drive-In, ordered a chilli dog and was told 'Chilli is out of season.' I was like, "WTF? Is there a chilli tree somewhere? Did the summer draught shrivel the little bowls causing a worldwide chilli shortage? How can chilli be out of season? It comes in a fucking can you bimbo!'" -GoldFalcon
"If I was gonna get a North Carolina themed tattoo, I'd get one of a pulled pork sandwich." -GoldFalcon
"Oh I'd kill to see a hamster rumble. Little bandanas and tiny little switchblades." -GoldFalcon
"My rider will include 60 bottles of beer and place no restictions on intoxicants in the venue. If bottled water is present, I will be allowed a 20 minute homicidal rampage. Ditto 'soy' anything." -GoldFalcon
"Don't worry, with enough alcohol you can kill off the brain cells that trigger the 'it's wierd drinking alone' mechanism. It will be replaced by a 'More For Me' mechanism." -GoldFalcon
"I am humbled by Bonochick's love for Ryan." -maltical
"Someone in Columbus who goes to OSU has a Bonochick license plate. I can kill them for you if you want since there can only be one Bonochick, and you are most certainly the original one." -maltical
"There's another Bonochick in the world? Shit? No way she's as cool as you!" -Sharif
"Aw, remember when Ryan liked us?" -littleknowgirl
"You know, most guys would kill to be threatened by Bonochick." -littleknowngirl
"Waterbeds are great for some things, but sleeping isn't one of them!" -Caramel Velvet
"I wish I could figure out how to make Bonochick my best friend." -damsam
"Now that I know Bonochick cares, I guess I'll have to care." -duckage
"'dad, i love you. i got in a wreck, okay? yeah i'm going to call 911 in a mo. totally. yep, okay. me too. gotta go. yeah, i got cheese, i'll make sure i pull it out of my hulking wreck of a vehicle. i don't think it will spoil. okay. me too. gotta go. no i won't forget the cheese. i love you. talk to you later. i'm fine. it's all surface bleeding. okay. bye.'" -Felonious Punk
"if you think tom petty sucks you're either trolling or an idiot." -Felonius Punk
"we need to set up a KatKam. there's no losers. she already thinks she's being stalked and insane things always happen to her. no one would be able to resist this. it would bury all shows, including m*a*s*h finale and the super bowl combined." -eh?--what?
"bonochick, where does--not being the thread killer b/c RYAN FRICKING ADAMS posted below you fit in? btw, hi, RYAN FRICKING ADAMS" -eh?--what?
"I'm convinced that BC has a gravitational pull for disaster. She's like the Sun of Misfortune. And I couldn't possibly be more entertained." -eh?--what?
eh?: "Nice going completely busting your vow of chastity, you slut."
blackandblue: "I'm not a slut, eh?. I'm just chastity-challenged."
"I had to get that song removed from my rectum six months ago, painful procedure. It had wedged itself up surprisingly high. Damn Top 40." -eh? (about John Mayer's "No Such Thing")
"Nothing says, 'I'm straight' like having your friend cut you out of your too-tight jeans." -eh?
"Bonochick, you must calm down, although someone as intense as yourself is indeed interesting." -eh?
"Kat, I DEFINITELY see you in the role of the nymphet in 'Don't Stand So Close To Me'." -eh?
"Kat has one of the strangest lives I have ever heard of. Ever. You got to have titanium ones though to steal something at a police station." -eh?
"On the beer topic, that is a very logical solution but I'm an illogical alcoholic at concerts." -Tarheeled
"Keyboard broken my ASS." -drewdrop
"Dont forget about the sacrificing of virgins. Are there virgins about here? Not any fucking more." -drewdrop
"Not long ago I read the Scott Stapp thing in Rolling Stone. About his addictions and the Bible. That guy is a sack of suck." -drewdrop
"Hijack, my ass, Bonochick...wait...that didn't come out right..." -Answering Belle
"Right now, you are probably on 4 threads and juggling bowling pins while writing poems and eating gummi worms." -ginsoakedboy
voice of reason: "Jimmy is also a douche."
cwhumble: "VOR, if you keep calling Jimmy a douche, he'll never join us for lunch."
"Whatever assface, henceforth I will refer to you as 'the ghost'." -voice of reason (to csh)
"Unfortunately for you, I'm still right." -voice of reason
"If Bono yelled at me, I'd tell him he was a creepy looking, do-gooder bastard. But whatever, at least he wrote 'One'." -voice of reason
"stumbling went bitchcakes on someone." -voice of reason
"Detroit has been abandoned by God." -voice of reason
"I'm willing to put a large sum of money on the line to say that Zimmy probably looks like he ran the 40-yard dash in a 30-yard gym." -voice of reason
"Whoa! Doogie and Zimmy in the same thread... the universe may collapse in on itself!" -voice of reason
"Uh oh, BC's coppin' an attitude." -voice of reason
"What, so Bonochick just gets to go around making people popes?" -voice of reason
"I googled a bunch, don't get mad tim crimson." -Losering MI
"You gotta watch out for guys and their video games.
Something about them makes us revert back to a under-slept spazzy 11 year old, all hopped up on jolt cola and gummy worms." -Losering MI
"*best english accent* However 007 there is a small camera device that has been given to you for the Ryan Adams concert mission. It looks like a button on the fron of your shirt. Click it once to take a photo but if you click it twice it will emit a gas that will knock out the asshole in front of you that keeps screaming for 'New York, New York' over and over..." -Losering MI
"In the old days stories where passed down through generation to generation as part of tradition. I think that bathroom graffiti has replaced this void in our society." -Losering Mi
"why would anyone go to sacramento on purpose?" -mess of glue or nails
"a hello kitty toaster? like the kind that burns hello kitty onto the toast? i'll go find some broad to get engaged to if it'll get me a free one of those." -mess of glue or nails
"dude, i live in grand rapids too, and the only way it would take SIX HOURS to drive to and from GR to the D is if you were riding in the car whilst my grandma was driving." -mess of glue or nails
mayday: "Subway is not a bribery lunch Kat. You need to raise your standards."
keef riffhard: "In the midwest Subway is."
keef riffhard: "I usually listen to Cold Roses while I strangle and stab strangers in dark alleyways."
voice of reason: "I put Gold on my iPod when I go seal clubbing." Losering Mi: "I listen to Heartbreaker when I'm preforming cardiovascular surgery."
mmbmike737: "I listen to Love Is Hell while calling my girlfriend a pirate hooker."
eh?--what?: "I put on the Swedish Sessions when something in my house from Ikea breaks."
Jebus: "I didn't see this movie because I hate cowboys."
voice of reason: "Don't let that put you off Jebus, they were actually shepherds. Do you hate shepherds too?"
Jebus: "Kind of."
"Don Flamenco was the first gay video game boxer." -Jebus
"Claiming to be hip is like claiming to be honest: If you claim to be it, you are likely not it." -Jebus
"I should have told her to go suck a bible." -Jebus
"Unbelievable. I can't believe we had sex 582 times." -Jebus
"Correcting people's spelling online is for pricks." -Jebus
"I swear I get more talk about my name than anything else." -Jebus
"Secondly, nobody with the name bono or The Edge are going to be king of anywhere except IHOP or a local Dennys so let's just throw that idea out the window right now." -Jeff Tweedy For President
Jeff Tweedy For President: "You don't drive? You have a lot in common with my G-ma."
mmbmike737: "Her and I should hang out sometime."
Jeff Tweedy For President: "She's dead but I'll drop off your message at her GRAVE. Why do you think she doesn't drive?"
"Valium is great for flying! Unless, of course, you're a pilot." -zno
"I hate you and your stick." -Fishbones
"You women will think of anything to trick us into marrying you." -clevelander
"The only thing blacker than my lungs is my heart!" -debaser64
"I'm quite pleased to see you turned down the guns and turned up the moonshine." -Shannon
Renee: "I just bought a harmonica, but it scares me. Something about the holes and my tongue."
Jizzy: "I like the holes, my tongue gets curious."
Jesse Dunn: "I continue to primarily play guitar because it's a convenient backup to my voice, and women love it (actually, anyone who tells you that is LYING)."
Renee: "Not true. I'll jump on just about anything that plays the guitar."
"Fuck toby keith! 'I'm livin in your radio', that must be one big-ass radio!" -KiB
"My dad meows like Jesus." -gyroharmaline
gyroharmline gives me dating advice:
"Give the fucker another chance, he seems confused."
"What exactly is an 'alcohol problem'? Is that like when the bar is closed?" -gharland
"I absolutely could not disagree more with Bonochick. She's out of her mind." -bacrunk
A (poorly misguided) ryannotadams about the dot-org:
"I'm just glad it's not as terrible as other boards with a bunch of immature idiots."
Fishbones' response: "He can't read."
"That looks like someone cast a level-five wuss spell on The Mars Volta." -highly medicated self-starter (on a Limbeck video)
"For just the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can make sure little Ryan gets to live in a million dollar Manhattan apartment and release as many albums as he wants to each year. You may be thinking, 'Well...I don't have time.' Take the time NOW. Won't you help?" -highly medicated self-starter
"I need to maintain my own fanbase before I worry about Ryan's." -highly medicated self-starter
"Plaid on plaid! Call the faux-pas police!" -highly medicated self-starter
"I find the key to stretching a bottle of shampoo is not using it." -highly medicated self-starter
"I totally just got chocolate pudding all in my underpants. Fuck that was scary." -harpster
"I just saw The Stones this summer in Chicago...I figure heaven will be a lot like that, except I'd be sitting closer." -harpster
"I find it hard to take the musical opinion of someone excited to see Jack Johnson without a grain of salt." -street spirit
"I think Bonochick is coming onto me...or threatening me. I kind read women all that well." -christopherdbate
"You think you've got problems? This weekend I kissed a man!" -christopherdbate
"No way Cannonball is that cute, sorry." -ferny
"What, are you Zen Buddhist or something. Fuck that, I'm American and I'm A.D.D and I need instant gratification or else. Fucking optimists! Sheesh!" -bwheaton
"Lionel Richie is such a hottie." -mmbmike737
"I'm guessing you did not offer the gentlemen your iPod as you did not want to cross contaminate ear wax?" -maureen
"I've kissed myself. Does that make me a narcissist?" -maureen
"I look hotter than hell in eyeliner, but I don't wanna kill nobody. Okay maybe I do sometimes, but I never would." -SAD EYES 2
Me: "Please don't hurt me. I'm fragile."
SAD EYES 2: "I'm more fragile. I'm drunk."
"Maybe Bono can fly in on his wings and give you a vinyl copy of Zooropa. And some love." -bigneonglitter
"I'd like to slam dance to some wicked punk tune, with my husband for our first song...that'd be fun. Probably one of the many reasons why I'll never get married." -joolz
"I swear, your sig is going to crash the internet." -stairway
"This thread is immediately forgettable, I must admit. Kinda like Hanging With Mr. Cooper." -Kirk Wells
"There's love in the air. It smells like cigarette smoke and vomit." -Kirk Wells
"It's called plaque...get used to it." -Kirk Wells
"I started using great words in my vocabulary when I read LOTR." -Kirk Wells
Me: "I love you."
Kirk: "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're killing this conversation."
"Oh, don't buy female condoms. You might as well use a plastic bag or something." -Jizzy S.P. LaBeef
"If it ain't Dutch, it ain't much!" –Jizzy
"Don't Google Asian cookies is all I can say. Yikes. " -Jizzy
"There are people on here sometimes that post stuff when sober that makes me wish they were drunk." -Jizzy
"Drink more, do less, and smoke lots of weed at night so you have an unhealthy appetite for sweets, and you'll be a fat fuck in no time!" -TequillaWorm
"You can be a member of the Funky Bunch if you can prove that you have an above average level of funkiness or bunchiness." -Jessica
"Being the more intelligent Hilton sister is like being the least crazy Jackson." -Screaming Flower
"How great would it be if one day all of us sat around in monkey pants drinking beer together?" -Screaming Flower
"Bonochick's trunk is like Mary Poppins' bag - only in a twisted way. Once she pulled out a grand piano with Liberace's corpse playing it, while eating chocolate. While quite macabre, it was still entertainingly flamboyant!" -John
"I love when people dis rock stars for having money. I hate those neurosurgeons that are actually smart, too. What fucking phonies." -highly motivated self-starter
"Keef, if you could just, like, talk with an Irish accent, wear Bono's fly shades and your U2 condom while you're bonin' Kat, it would, like, make her year." -Teresa
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants." -nattyb
"Basically, brilliant people tend to be fucked up. Unfortunately for me, being fucked up doesn’t mean you're brilliant. Oh well." -arronrod
"Dr. Dre got me banned from Napster too! I'm ten times the thug he'll ever be!" -Hero25x
"The fact of the matter is this is how Ryan schedules his tours. He comes on here searching for 'Ryan Come To ______' threads and then books the shows. Think I'm lying? Check out the new tour schedule: 'SEPTEMBER 13 - BONOCHICK'S BEDROOM'." -Champ Kind
"Apparently Yanni gets all shit-faced and posts weird stuff on his fansite." -Champ Kind
"Dylan McKay is my personal hero. When I was in high school, I even shaved the front of my hair to make it look like a receding hairline." -Champ Kind
"Well it may not be killer, but I did write a song called End Of Virginity - Doogie And His 16 Year-Old Half-Sister." -Cannonball
"I'm not a lawyer, I just play one on the internet." -Cannonball
"You start one more Counting Crows thread and I'll cut your nuts off." -Cannonball (to deron11)
"Sorry...most of us here on planet Earth don't speak Dipshit." -Cannonball
"There should be a law that says if you are actually driving below the speed limit while in the fast lane, then the car behind you can legally nudge you off the road." -Cannonball
"Well, TicketMaster charges a small, nominal fee for concerts here in the States... So if the ticket was $15 at face value, the total ticket price after TM's charges is somewhere around $350." -Cannonball
"There's some really stupid website out there with a bunch of quotes from Ryan at his shows when he bullshits with the crowd. The site is totally gay though. I think I read somewhere that the chick who made it is a closet crystal meth freak and a sooper turbo-slut." -Cannonball
"I used to be attracted to crazy girls in college for awhile. Crazy-crazy. Like, 'Lemme show you my razorblade scars' -crazy. I once proposed to a girl cuz she told me she hears voices." -Cannonball
"I read a news story a while back that profiled a homeless family of four that actually lived in Yanni's mustasche for 18 months." -Cannonball
"I may be white, but I can do the Running Man like MC Hammer on speed." -Cannonball
"I just got an email from Yahoo! saying ugly people with have a problem with their email today. My email is just fine :)" -Cannonball (when aka JB was having email problems)
"Holy crap - I LOVE Cheetos... When I die, I wanna go out with my head stuck in a bag of Cheetos!... While drinking Tang!" -Cannonball
"I caught 'Manic Narcisissm' from a toilet seat. It's horrible. The only way I can get off anymore is if I'm jerking off to pictures of myself." -Cannonball
"I'm sometimes always nearly not often full of shit... But for the most part I'm never mostly lying always...sometimes..." -Cannonball
"You guys are on the wrong end of the spectrum. I'd give my left nut for one night with Bea Arthur. Just one glorious night. I'll make her call me Stanley all... night... long." -Cannonball
"I recently started a letter-writing campaign to get Maude released on DVD." -Cannonball
"I'm glad to see that my attempt at civil activism has regressed to discussion concerning different clothing stores at the mall..." -Cannonball
"I've been skydiving...it wasn't tandem...it was by myself. It was awesome. The scariest part was actually when they opend the door. They told us they'd actually done studies - used a heart moniter to measure people's heartbeats, and they were ALWAYS highest when the door opened. No fucking kidding - you're in a plane and the Goddamn door opens!" -The .ORG King
"I told her I've never had a cold sore. I didn't wanna take the drink back because if I'm gonna GET the stuff, I better get it the fun way (kissing/making out) and not from a god damn glass of watered-down Sprite at Subway!" -The .ORG King
"You've never spilled something musicrow? Well congratufuckinglations. We have got a perfect trendy human being on our little message board. Let me guess you have fucking walked on water to, probably even healed leapers and fucked the virgin mary.
P.S. Hey Tennessee I hope you read this post and soil your vintage underwear." -campbsr
"Bonochick your so wise! like buddha only blonde and better looking" -nexusicon
"Making out with other dudes doesn't make you gay." -Rallo Johnson
"He accepts his largeness with stride and buffets." -Bobby
Nowhere Man explains how to break up with a girl:
"I just don't bathe for a while. Get stunk up. And then start saying 'broad' and 'dame' to her. Of course then I watch porno and say, 'Damn they are hot - why can't you be more like that?' - and then listen to Ryan records and constantly talk about how women have 'done him wrong' and that 'he's an angel!' To top it off, I do the robot dance in public (only with her) every chance I can get."
"Wait...who's Kat marrying now?" -Vachs36
"If only it were my real name then Bonochick would marry me! that would be ace...." -Troy Mcclure
"Me + alcohol + Ryan + lots of people = me being an ass. I'm like, 'DUUUDE do you know who this is?! This is RYAN FUCKING ADAMS! Have ever heard of him you? HE'S THE SHIT! Listen this to song -- isn't it FUCKING AWESOME!? You no don't appreciate it! No one appreeshates him like I do! He don't deserve that. YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM!!!'" -englishboy
"You come clean my kitchen and fix my vase (pronounced vah-ze) that Tom Cruise broke while jumping on my couch this weekend." -xenus moonpants
"Damn drunks." -C.K.
"go suck an egg, anyways, doogie!" -stumblinginthedark
"what's this about Ryan's intern?" -stumblinginthedark
"'Hubba hubba ding dong, you are hot!' he said in his email." -stumblinginthedark
"OMG, I'm so glad I started this thread. I love when Brandy and Bono go at it....makes me all hawt." -riffmomma
"i think its lame to judge people for what they wear. unless its speedos." -whosoldyouout?
"I wish brandy was here so I could watch her make out with Bonochick in the corner." -ima dork
"Butt crack is the new cleavage." -ima dork
"I should know better than to side with a boy." -ima dork
"We don't tolerate that type of meaness around here, and who the fuck are you anyway?" -ima dork
"Half the fun of my life is ruining stuff for people." -Renee!
"Oh, look at jrod correcting GOD." -Renee!
"So many of Ryan's songs sound like they are about love, but they all have an undercurrent of 'fuck you, you miserable bitch face' that I hesitate to recommend any Ryan for wedding." -Renee!
"Speaking of vases...I was in Marshall Fields the other day and this total frat guy was shopping with his mom and two sisters and I thought I hated him until he clunked his bag against the wall and said...
'Oh, shit! My vah-ze.'
Then I fell in love with him and his stupid baseball cap." -Renee!
"They wanted me to interview The Bravery, but I had to tell them that I would do it only if I was allowed to puke on the band at the end." -Renee
"I really want to work at Pitchfork. I can be a bitch." -Renee
"I told him to go to hell on a supersonic sled." -Renee
"I think Ryan kills you slowly and hugs you while he's doing it while Conor just stabs you in the stomach and runs." -Renee
"I always hate who I am when I'm dating someone. I'm better as a solo artist." -Renee
"How can a British kid be so dumb?" -1974baby
"So my office just hired a guy hot enough to be in the Stills and any Calvin Klein ad. Even better.....he's DUMB!!!!!" -1974baby
"How the fuck did Johnny Clash get my password?" - cwhumble
"Musicians shouldn't date in my opinion, especially local up and coming ones. It distracts them from their craft and lowers the pool of people that I can date." -cwhumble
"Those aren't hippies! They don't even have a hackey-sack." -cwhumble
"You fucking hippie!! Try not to be a menace to society by pushing your kind veggie tofu burritos hacetysackety glass drug paraphenalia and mange ridden dog on the rest of the law abiding society, brah." -cwumble
"Billy Joe is a douche-face. Coincidentally, so is Billy Joel, and he didn't even cancel a show." -cwhumble
"The hippies I know will eat just about anything you give 'em. They're a hungry lot." -tomatoz
"I only trust Taylor Hicks." -cochrock121
"M.Night Shamalangadingdong will have to work a lot harder for my money" -sweetillusions
"Seein' U2 is kinda like a religious experience. I walked outta the venue thinkin' I could take on the world. The vibes were just so right. I've never felt like that after any other concert. Like, with Ryan, for example, I just feel like smokin' and drinkin'." -Reese 3.0
"Blessed are Doogie and his special hat for he shall be at the Oasis Concert." -halpda
"Is that why you said "brb" before and then left for hours? I can imagine you running around the house, cleaning, while dancing to music, chewing gum, and basically just having a whole lot of ADD." -Duke487
"Good job! I mean...Good unemployed! So, how does it feel to be broke and on an online message board?" -Duke487
"And Brandy, speaking of Luda, I keep a CD in my glove compartment in case of traffic emergencies...It only has 1 song on it and it's Move Bitch." -Duke487
"You should play Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want. Unless you're too drunk and then you'll play Please Let Get Me I Want What Please Please." -duke487
"That is Doogie. He makes new user names all the time so he says 'Doogie:' at the start of posts to let us know that he is still alive and well (to the orgers' dismay)." -duke487
"I highly dislike people with bipolar; I think they're just showing off like how I got two mental capacities and you don't." -Doogie
"Doogie: Bonogirl, career?!! Why don't you go get a career.........A CAREER IN SUCKING!" -FutureSuccess
"Doogie: brandybomb, I know you're testing me. I am done with trading insults; it's such a waste of time when we got starving children we need to feed." -HighNose
"Doogie: brandy is as smoove as a fookin porcupine. Although, 'grace makes beauty out of an ugly thing'." -LuckyLouise
"Doogie: Holy fook, did you leave in my part of town in Texas?!! We had the same situation....Showbiz Pizza was a poor man's Chuck E. Cheese, because the latter was newer with better overhead, so the kids would rather to go to that. One time I ate so much slices of pizza I puked on my tickets and so I brought them in to the counter to exchange for those silly gifts, those tickets reeked of vomit so bad, the fooker said throw it away and I didnt want to; so I bargain the fooker to the counter to give me that big teddy bear that was worth 1000 Chuck E. Cheese tickets or I wont leave him, so he finally resorted to giving me that big teddy Chuck E. Cheese bear. HURRAY FOR ME THEN, AND HURRAY FOR ME NOW FOR REMEMBERING THAT DEAR MOMENT. HURRAY!!" -SeeThem?
"Bonogirl, Bono is not God, and he doesn't like girls; keep it between you and me, will ya?" -Doogie
"I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU PEOPLE RECOMMENDING BAD MUSIC TO ALL THESE INNOCENT PEOPLE." -Doogie
"Doogie: Sorry, I don't celebrate other people's eventual departure to the grave." (on birthdays)
"Doogie: Bonogirl, whenever you agree with me, try to keep it silent; otherwise, you bring down my credibility. Thanks, love."
"Doogie: Funny enough, when I think of the term 'Bonochick', I think of a crazed Christian girl who wants her feet wash by one of her friends before she ate at her birthday party to reenact The Last Supper."
"Doogie: Also, could anybody tell me why there aren't any more Burger King restaurants in Mongolia? Monks like to eat Burger King too motherfooker." -FlyingNun
"Doogie: This fookin Zimmy is all hype."
"What is quite funny is David Beckham naming his kids after where they were conceived.
My name should be Back of a Ford Escort." -Zimmy
"I didn't realize that rednecks got married. I can't imagine what that is like. I guess you save a lot on invitations since you only have to invite one family." -catedangerclements
"I would never abuse the apostrophe in your presence." -crazymofo
"Nice. Now my eBay boycott is over, and I can go back to searching for old typewriters and shit." -rufus
"Well, anything Bono is involved in other than maybe Bonochick's name sucks." -youhitharder
"I dated a Notre Dame magna cum laude grad of aerospace engineering for a long time. A real life rocket scientist. What a fucking basketcase. Gimme a drummer anyday." -aka JB
"Seeking medical advice on the dot org should also make you call a good shrink." -aka JB
"You're never alone if you bring a flask." -aka JB
"Bonochick, either you are very clever or I'm just very slow." -the shakes
"Bonochick has candy and a rusty twelve passenger van. Totally talk to her. ;) jk bono I heart your face." -ErikAcoustic
"Bonochick to the rescue! She's like Mighty Mouse, just sexier." -ErikAkoustic
you make my life miserable, but i love you anyway. are you a man?
thank you for your prompt response,
"Obsessive longing songs? I think I have 957 of those on my iPod." -goodgoddog
"Michigan is the state that never sleeps." -goodgoddog
"Tell your roommate that Ryan is like a Faberge egg...it's only for people with exquisite taste who have the patience to recognize every minute detail. Then tell him to fuck off." -goodgoddog
"Do not cross an artist. It will end up in a public forum." -goodgoddog
"Don't do it. Today the cake, tomorrow the cream horn. Cake is a gateway confectionary." -katyr
"I'm not very likeable either, but I fooled a very nice girl into marrying me. I may not have any friends, but I get laid regularly." -ThisDandyLife
"Ryan doesn't release one new album every 4-5 years because he doesn't want to. He writes material like...something that does something a lot." -ThisDandyLife
"we were on my friends boat. we were docking it and he dropped his brand new 60gb ipod into the shallow water. i just about hasselhoffed off the boat into the water to save it." -rahbee
"I'm glad you took this guy off the market because he sounds about as much fun as meatloaf without ketchup." -sarahbelle
"Oh my gosh, stop eating Elmo, gees, if you are going to bite someone, bite the grouch or big bird, oh Elmo nooooo, I can't watch!" -crazyheart
"I don't think John Mayer even likes John Mayer that much, so let's give him a break." -whiterussian
"i get sweet n sour sauce for at mcdonalds for my fries too. they charge 11 cents. they're fuckers." -sunflower blu
"I wish I knew how to mix music...the only thing I'm good at is criticizing poorly mixed albums." -miss oh
miss oh: "SKA IS FUCKIN DEAD....DUMBASS! i didnt even have to waste any time listening to the music either! im damn good at giving feedback"
tapilon: "Any luck on finding a new job??? With a bright and shiny attitude like yours, recruiters should be knocking down your door asking for a resume. Perhaps in the teen-retail sector- or maybe in the field of Salad Bar Technician."
"I wouldn't take anyone for more that two weeks. I'm a nice guy, but I would throw your shit on the lawn after two and a half weeks." -tapilon
"I've always been tempted to join Sam's Club. Where else can you get a 20 lb. sack of frozen chicken breasts, a treadmill, tire rotation and enough Tide to last you and your neighbors for a year???" -tapilon
james: "I am a dreamer and a lover of words."
Ugh: "I am a realist and a hater of you."
"I think you have to have a permit to take your shirt off." -self-inflicted song
"Fuckin' Ticketmaster can shove their $13.50 service fee up their ass. How you like that service, bitch?" -self-inflicted song
"I say we enact a new dot org rule that you can't register or post until you have pubic hair." -beautifulsorta
"I just called my brain tumor a pain in the ass. What does that say about me?" -brokeneyes
"Fear the beard." -CryOnDemand
"You people drive me insane. I couldn't handle you in person." -mysuicidalturtle
"At least music isn't bad for your cholesterol level." -mysuicidalturtle
"Go fuck a tree." -mysuicidalturtle
"I didn't get any sex or waffles either. I even sent her poetry." -mysuicidalturtle
"And as my mother has always said, 'Counters are for glasses, not asses'." -Nikki Sinn
"That is actually Rick Moranis, who is doing it with Parker while Ryan is getting his brain cysts out. He's like a country rock stunt double these days." -teacher dave
"I have a crush on lasagna." -broken chord
"I tried to be as straight-forward as possible with you, Kat, but you continue to badger me about this absurd idea. For the last time, no, I will not father any of your children - not in this life, not ever." -broken chord
"If shitty pop music didn't exist, then what would we sing if we we're drunk? Shitty pop music makes the world go round." -smell my cheese
"You're just sitting there and something smells good. That's awesome enough, but when you realize it's your armpits that smell great, that is freaking incredible." -free
"How does he owe you $12 for a cd you chose to buy? Makes no sense. It's not like he tricked you into buying it." -jonathin
"Batman hasn't done shit for Africa." -sean
"Kermit's such a sellout motherf$#*r. I can't believe he's doing reality shows now. anything to make a buck...huh? f*#$n' frog." -sean
Alice In Wonderland: "I need tips to become a mean cold selfish bitch, cuz my current soft & sensitive attitude is getting me nowhere, other than this place.
Teach me to become the wicked witch of the west."
sean: "carrots? you wanna take this one?"
"Bonochick, putting a smile on your face will always be more fulfilling than a smile on Screech's." -kanakukbro
"There's this gay guy I know that's totally obsessed with me...if only I was gay...then I'd be set..." -photojones
"Laptops are cool...until they're not." -photojones
"I think Darius Rucker's career hit a massive peak when he started doing his work for Burger Kings TenderCrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Burger (TM)." -fatolcock
"Way to spoil the illusion for me.
I'm off to write my letter to santa." - Quincy
nufc0908 on Maroon 5:
"My favorite bit was when the video got banned to like the 2 am slot because it was 'too racy'. I just thought it was an excuse to not have to put the shit music on until no one was watching."
"No doogie is good doogie." -keef riffhard
"Where's that cheese lover when I need her...?" -keef riffhard
"I've never heard a white gang being some real bad motherfuckers." -keef riffhard
"As small as Ryan is, he sure does have a hard time finding clothes that fit him. Maybe he should stop shopping at Baby Gap..." -keef riffhard
"Something must have terribly went wrong for Kat to go from the young cutie to wind up as the person she is now...." -keef riffhard
"Nobody sins more than Bonochick..." -keef riffhard
"It's fitting that Bonochick is the one that eventually takes control of the 'beyond stupid' thread." -keef riffhard
"Bonochick is having my child!! In honor of The Edge, we are calling it 'The Perimeter'..." -keef riffhard
"Renee's writing a book, but she can't even spell her own name?" -keef riffhard
"The only way you can tell if I'm excited is if I pee my pants." -keef riffhard
"We're just poor little orphans left in the Christmas snow with no presents staring though Bonochick's window and dreaming..." -keef riffhard
"The problem with silk boxers is that they feel too damn good, and you're walking around all day with harry the happy hard on." -keef riffhard
"Scientists have discovered a food that makes women not desire sex anymore...and that food is a wedding cake." -keef riffhard
"You know shes gonna say it's great....it could be a CD with Bono farting, and she would tell us it is the best." -keef riffhard
"Keef is slightly more threatening than a park bench." -
"I'd love to have a dream where i met Morrissey, but knowing me I'd say something stupid or turn into a lampshade or something." -shadowofacat2
"It's good to know that even when you're dreaming, you take no shit." -shadowofacat2
"Playing Scrabble with your cat is a bore. Every other word is miaow." -shadowofacat2
"I gave up smoking for Lent. My sacrifice taught me that I truly love smoking. I am a smoker, hear me roar, or rather cough and wheeze." -gin_n_teacups
"It's called 'rock star bedhead'. The trick is to not wash it. Ever. The greasier and stinkier it is, the cooler you are." -scottish
"I love all of God's little creatures. Even Bonochick." -scottish
"My only regret is that I have but one life to spend fucking with you." -scottish
"Oh, please. I'm a boy, remember? And a fruit loop. Anything I do or use is purely intended to impress women or entertain myself. Hence my Robert Smith teased hair tonight." -scottish
"My New Year's resolution was to understand what the hell you are talking about. I failed." -scottish
"When you're not being sarcastic and bitchy, you have a lot of love to give." -scottish
"i wonder if im the most defective .orger. headaches, allergies, scoliosis, tiny hole in heart, probly have ADD, deaf. woo. when can i qualify for the special olympics?" -ant
"I am constantly baffled by musician-speak. So envious of you all. My mum wouldn't pay for piano lessons - I had to have a pony like my sister." -doused-in-gin
"Yeah, Doogie is a c word." -chis
"I have pills, Chinese characters, hair, pictures, beer and a lighter. Not even macguyver could escape with that." -chis
"a deathfuckshit right now?? i feel like a menopausing woman who's been kicked in the ovaries by a gang of power hungry boy scouts.. asjdjhsakfhafsj.. this is the most boring saturday in my entire life.." -whisperer
"I love MacGyver..he was the first cool person." -whisperer
"My pocket protector almost shat itself." -Charlie D
"I play the drums because I am a manic depressive and hate vegetables." -indy
"I never trust a happy person." -rob
"Who doesn't love big fluffy hair? It single handedly propelled the 80s!" -Black Roses
"You and a bulldozer can only mean something newsworthy." -Adrienne
"I don't know, that damn grammar nazi bonoyouth has me all sketched out to type anything." -Rallo Johnson
"You can always count on Bonochick for all your U2-related needs." -1978
"You guys are lame, and I love you for it." -Jacksonbille
"gavo got scared. i pointed him out, and gayvo goes, 'no. no. christie. no. let's go. i have to fix my hair and cut my fingernails.' what a wuss." -xtie lynn
"Conor Oberst can't speak he's too coked up. That fucker smashed my hand once and then he apolgoized and touched me... so all these girls were touching me to get the Conor on themselves." -xtie lynn
"I always knew your dad was cooler then you." -keef riffhard
"Nothing like the one two punch of snarkiness and grammar correction that is jrod and Tim Crimson." -Houston County
"It's spelled Jell-o, Baffy. And yes, it is a delicious treat." -jrodisdead
"He's so talented he can play guitar and steal bikes at the same time." -jrodisdead (about Ryan)
"Huey was nothing without the News." -jrodisdead
"Kat, if you don't have anything bad to say about your job you shouldn't say anything at all." -jrodisdead
"Go eat some ham, devil woman." -jrodisdead
"Well I don't care what mythology says, I say there is a race of pegasi and I'm obsessed with it!" -jrodisdead
"I work at Every Day Sucks. The name explains it all." -jrodisdead
"You said pop. Silly midwesterner." -jrodisdead
"Renee loses 10 points for misquoting the Dynamite." -jrodisdead
"I am the funniest person in the world, and thus by default the funniest dot orger. Bonochick is really funny, but her rapist's wit pales in comparison with mine." -jrodisdead
"The Spring Equinox is the biggest sham perpetrated on the people of the northern hemisphere since the vernal equinox." -jrodisdead
"You're indisputably a douchenostril." -jrodisdead
"I am not a douchenoodle!" -jrodisdead
"Wow. Bonochick done dissed me." -jrod
"Doogie kind of fascinates me...in the Seinfeld...'He disgusts me...yet I cannot look away'..way." -AmyG
"Who the hell cares what someone we nicknamed tampon...has to say" -AmyG
"I love my children dearly, but there are days when I wish I just stuck to pets." -AmyG
"One of the many purposes of boyfriends is the oil change." -AmyG
"Hating Seinfeld is sacreligious." -AmyG
"Next he'll be sitting on a toilet in front of people for a month. If I were his mother I'd tell him to get a REAL job. Enough of this shit." -AmyG (on David Blaine)
"What is this world coming to when people like Yanni get involved in domestic disputes! I have lost ALL faith." -AmyG
"I already knew you wouldn't like it, Page. You should go to work for Pitchfork." -IndianaWildflower
"Bonochick, I say without hesitation that you are the queen of random." -pagethesage1275
"Now that's a blatant lie...I'm as humble as the next guy. Now excuse me while I pump my pecs to the 1812 Overture." -pagethesage1275
"This is one George who isn't curious about Jack Johnson." -pagethesage1275
"Haha...I just said that for you, even though I didn't know you were on the board. I bet your Bonodar was going crazy..." -pagethesage1275
"A 'Huey Lewis' commemorative porcelain tile? Damn you, Bonochick!" -pagethesage1275
"Man, Scott Stapp...what a skidmark." -pagethesage1275
"Yeah man, this really blows. Maybe he can find a lawyer who will take it pro bonochick..." -pagethesage1275
"Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry, got caught up reading your ridiculously long profile. We sure to spew out a lot of noteworthy bullshit on this board." pagethesage1275
"That was a Simpsons quote by the way...I was seeing if Bonochick would pounce on it like a shark on a bleeding surfer." -pagethesage1275
"Look at Will Smith...brotha was on top of the world back then." -pagethesage1275
"What's that, Lassie?? Ryan's passed out in the gutter in a drunken haze???" -carrots
"Is sean stalkcheating on me???" -carrots
"I love how bonochick manages to make fun of ispy even while complimenting him." -carrots
"A salad without carrots is like a night without stars." -carrots
"I happen to like Scientologists. I mean, they give out free stress tests and sell books in the subway. And nothing really relieves my stress than being able to shove them out of my way and say, 'Leave me the fuck alone!' when I'm walking in the subway after a really long day at work." -carrots
"Keef, I don't recall ever having ANY cool points. Does this mean I'm now -10?" -carrots
"Ryan totally knows he has a cute bum, he drops things on purpose." -AloneTogether26
"It's kinda like trying to re-write 'Blowin' In The Wind' as a 15 minute rock opera. Why turn something simple, beautiful and enjoyable into something that seems like a grand enough idea at the time, but could turn out to be a real pain in the ass that you can't wait to reach the end of?" -Van Hoofstraten!
"Your music makes me want to knife my own face off with a rusty bastard." -Van Hoofstraten!! (on James Blunt)
"For all the shit we give James Blunt, I wish I was him in his new video he gets it on with Mischa Barton." -tim crimson
"Can you imagine him in the army? I can see him going 'Run away, run away' in a girlie voice, flinging his arms around and tripping over his heels." -Fried Gold (about James Blunt)
"Hello again my little Ryan bitches. Oh so constant with an obsession with a man who prefers the company of small animals. It is true that tiny mammals can converse in a manner befitting a beautiful King." -me pero
"maybe that's stew's problem..he left a pony country...." -Strawberry Dream
"WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH CUPCAKE, BONOCHICK!" -strawberry dream
"YAY!! I finally FINALLY got a Romper Room shout out!! I used to get so upset when that bitch never said my name!" -strawberry dream
"The iTunes store is like the McDonald's of music...crap quality, but people all over the world buy it." -strawberry dream
"I like no subject threads! Great for when you got nothing to say but want someone to say it to." -strawberry dream
"All future presidential candidates should have to play 'president' in a blockbuster movie, and the one who's film has the highest gross wins!!!" -strawberry dream
"There is something at the botton of the page about it, in true ISPY fashion...he's like the Walter Cronkite of the org." -strawberry dream
"FOR ALL WHO HATE RYAN, go here: www.tobeykeith.com" -thebalvenie
"ISPY = I Stalk Parker Yearly" -keef
"Keef, a man who has literally fathered several countries." -ISPY2
"He is so hot his underwear spontanously combusts." -ISPY2 (on Keef)
"The law is a jealous mistress." -ISPY2
"You are nothing until you hit the level of Brandy, Bonochick and MST, that defines bottoming out." -ISPY2
"Ryan's fans probably have a bigger alcohol/drug problem than he does." -ISPY2
"Text message, a pansy ass way of saying goodbye." -ISPY2
ISPY2, on choosing sex over money:
"Waking up to George Washington's face in the am doesn't do it for me anymore."
"It's always considerate not to arouse your roommate." -ISPY2
"You can always tell the good NYC bars by akaJB, Goldie, and 1974baby's facial imprints in the floor." -ISPY2
"I mean, some guys in Kentucky are attracted to goats, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that a guy could be attracted to you." -Jason
"BC u smell like dead puppies! we hate you! even though u wish to run ur fingers through my lushious beard!" -s faulkner rhyne
"I'd skip the game to be your stand-in boyfriend bonochick...at least the second half of a blow-out." -DougoBlue
"This is a Ryan fucking Adams message board. The man would roll you up and smoke you if he couldnt find his pack of American Spirits fast enough." -jimmymac
dianne: "I have a question... have you ever made a post about anything even remotely having to do with ryan adams, or do you just have a boner for this message board?"
Renee!: "dianne said boner!"
"apple owns your souls you little ipod addicts. you'll all need hearing aids before you turn 40." -dianne
"nope. no seduction... i just have an appreciation for ridiculously good looking british boys." -dianne
"I bombard the poor girls with my music. There's no damn radio Disney on in my car. I just tell them they can't use the Ryan words. When they slip and let an expletive fly, I make them listen to the evangelical station and tell them that we can listen to that instead if they won't comply with the rules." -dianne
"I had a fun time the other night discussing John Mayer's guitar face with a singer friend of mine. we wondered if it the same as his poop face." -dianne
"Oh shit. My big sister got me a t-shirt from...the Bryan Adams Reckless tour. I was 10. It was sleeveless. Oh, 1984, you still haunt me." -dianne
"Damn you! Damn you and your Huey Lewis lovin' ways!" -dianne
"Hey, I'm not a bully, vain, or arrogant. Say that again, and I'll kick your ass." -dianne
"I have to admit - I don't own a John Mayer CD. He seems nice though. That was such a mom thing to say. I apologize. Dork." -dianne
"Get revenge and purge that hurt from your soul. Make Jesus proud." -bluehwy
"gavo, you ass-kisser, i like yer style!" -musicallie
"I bought 2 packs of 8 Gillette M3 Power razors, but I now wanna grow a beard." -gavo
bittertea: "I don't know many people who like U2. I certainly don't know anyone who likes Bono."
rachey: "Er, Bonochick?"
"Just because I break into people's rooms and strategically re-organize their CDs and rummage through their underwear drawer doesn't mean that something's wrong with me...." -RockNRollDarlin
"bonochick, thought you were good before, just realised your genius, may bono's power flow through you forever." -Roy100
"This moral high road is giving me a nosebleed." -porkandbeanokie
"I know that if I had a micro brewery and could fuck myself, I'd never leave the house." -porkandbeanokie
"I love her a lot, but she worships at the alter of Bowie and makes me listen to him all the time, even his recent albums, which isn't good for either of us." -bonointheunderworld
"Listen you dickless wonder, you're gonna be 43 some day too!" -kimberly
"Didn't you read what he said? He's a good christian, he doesn't like dropping f-bombs." -brotherintheblues
"I like my coffee like I like my women... only it's tough to find any 18 year old coffee." -brotherintheblues
"Maybe I'm biased and don't know anyone, but it's hard for me to believe anyone can have the best day of their life in Indianapolis." -brotherintheblues
"I have a beard trimmer with a nose hair attachment. I just jam that up there then hit the button and hold on for dear life." -Youngboy
"Jesus couldn't write Magnolia Mountain on a good day." -Youngboy